bitter-not-sweet post.

So I am typing again today. No I'm not dead. Well, if you want me to be, it'll be fine. Just inform my family. I really don't know what's this all about. I just feel like I've been a b*tch to a lot of people, esp close friends. I lie, I ignore, I hide, I use, -I b*tch. I'm really sorry to any of you who've felt that I've done those to you. I guess that I would take you guys in only when I need someone to talk to, to spill ranting to, to flood my worthless tears to... I must've been taking all of you for granted. and I really feel bad, right from my heart. Seeing other people's blog, I feel that it's true that I don't have many friends. And that my life ain't as perked-up and lively like many of yours'... My friend told me she's got nothing to blog about, I felt a like my life was on a higher level, but come to think of it, I blog bout shyt mann[except for occasions that I've blogged about] ... Atleast her blogs has more meaningful things though less posts. I'm truly sorry to many of you which I'd rather leave the names alone, for being what I have been. -a bitch. Honestly, I don't think I should be a true friend to anyone. I only know THEM, not who their friends are, not how they'd like to be treated. But as far as I know, I have not and would not discriminate or insult any of you physically... That you can take my words.

I think that I'm really weird sometimes..most of the times... I get stoned all of a sudden and give cold stares and turn away, I feel really really down and sad about some stupid thing that's been going on for a year now-all of a sudden..and then cry, a certain moment arises where I'd feel like saying 'I love you, and I have been', times where I suddenly start to feel so happy that I jump and dance and sing to myself in my room and soon start to sulk. Weird eh?

I also do feel like I'll never grow up, mentally... Well, there are times where I do dress up like a 16 years old, and sometimes I look like a boy-wannabe gurl- with shorts and baggy t-shirt with a pouch, hair tied-up with a sulk.
Simply because I'm held back.. from lots of things. From enjoying my holidays with friends to dressing up how I want to?
Simply because it's very and I mean VERY hard for my to disobey my parents.

And right now I realise that my post today is all jumbled up. Sort it out yourself. I've fit in what comes outta my mind everywhere here. And again, I'm very to many of you, and I don't think I deserve any of you. I just don't belong in this society. I'll take my leave.