I wish I closed my eyes when I saw the motorcyclist.

I said I wouldn't be posting on weekdays right? But as for today, it's a lil special.

Last night, just before I signed outta msn, I was crying.. till I fell asleep. I need not state why I cried. Just before I dozed off, I was thinking, what if I was crossing the road alone after school, and a car knocked me down. I woke up sniffing again. I dreaded school. I barely said a word in school. I'm sorry I lied to you friends, I wasn't "not feeling well" neither was I tired. Well ofcourse I was a lil tired cause I was half awake the whole night. But that wasnt the reason I sulked and looked like shyt the whole day.

After school, I walked to the station with Patrick and Chi Khan. I played a prank on Chi Khan and made myself laugh. Yea how lame. But I know, it did feel good to smile after frowning for more than 5 hours. Patrick and I started laughing, then the flamingo himself started laughing. We crossed the road, I did it on him again. As we were on the sidewalks.. he wanted to play it back on me. So we were in other words playing on the road.

We got on the bus and I sat next to him like I used to. Then he asked me what's with the shyt face... I know I'm not pretty you bisexual flamingo, but I ain't that horrible too am I? Maybe I am.., but not shyt..?? Then he said cause I looked constipated. You bloody flamingo! Later on, I dripped water on his pants.. and said he pee-d.. and he said "my balls aren't that low down la..." I almost gave in.. until I asked him... "you pee from your balls?!?!" He says he has 3 outlets...

Anyway, I got off the bus.. and walked over the mini bridge... I could see that there was road repairs in front of my hse... The roads were blocked. I looked left.. then crossed... I heard this honking coming towards me. I turned to my right and to my horror this motorbike was about 7metres away from me. I almost went backwards, which if I did.., I would have died being flung into the big momma drain. I didnt know what to do just that moment... I didnt say sorry or anything. I could see that the motorist was mad at me. And then I walked home like nothing happened.

You remember when your kindy teacher taught you to "look right..look left.. and look right.. and cross."? There's a reason for the second time looking to the right... Cause when crossing 2 way traffic, the first car to hit you would be from your right. =) I'm still alive. But my thoughts almost came true. To die crossing the road while the car hit me from the right...

That was just what I wanted to share. If you still don't get my point, I'm telling you that I've been so dead-ish all day, I really almost died! I guess you'd be making your first visit to the night club and drink like jolly if the motorist did hit me.

Thank you for your time.

If we hold on together, my friend.

Diana Ross - If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

Maybe I have posted this song in my multiply. But now it's here. IT says everything my heart feels. I had a long conversation with a friend last night. I cried. and laughed. and cried. Today, I woke up sniffing. I've had friends tell me he's not worth a friend even if it's 12 yrs. I nod and it got into my head... for 1 day. I may say I hate him, I may have called him names. But I cared and still do. They say why look back when he's so not worth it? I can't forget you. Not when this may be our last year seeing each other so often. We're 17 this year, we may part. Do we have to part so soon now? Even my sister says I should forget you as this long-known friend. But deep down inside of me, I wish we could still be friends. Yet I know we wont. I'm not gonna ask anyone to talk to you bout me. I dont want anyone to. Cause situations may somehow get worse. I don't want you to hate me more than the bitch I am to you. It's bad enough. I care, and still do though I say I don't. The song above goes out to you.

my immortal

Another new layout, don't need the I love you-s anymore. Valentine's day is long gone. History.

I've been dead-ish again. this time it aint 1, it's 3 murderers. Skip that. Owh, I had a play-pretend valentine! He didnt do much, but I have to say that he was sweet. He said something no one has ever said to me to stop my tears. Thanks, boy! My mood swings have hit me back. I was all fine at first in tuition yesterday. Then suddenly I started getting emo and silent. fuk I hate this feeling!

But I've finally let it all out today. For once, someone understood me. Thanks, gurl..! Tonight, jus now, I was at swensen's with a group of noisy friends celebrating Shi Ching's burfday. B4 that... just before tuition, I talked to Habib once again... Something about him looked different. Okay back to where I was..., so I went to buy some daisies for Shi Ching... Went to mcD and met up with Warner [Bros], Zi Chin and Sharon... and they thought Ti Ming bought me beltaed valentine's flowers! owh my gosh! I obviously said "nooOooOoOOooo?!" Then we walked to swensen's... I gave Shi Ching her pretty flowers and later on,...

Sharon: huh? the flowers- not Ti Ming give you meh??
Avril: ya' allah..!!? =.="

So I had salmon and mushroom baked rice..! and calamari rings! Nice food..! Then we played the straw and rubber bands game. Guess who were next to me? Ti Ming and Patrick. a fucker and a dog. shyt, I know I'm bad.. But I sayang you both okie! Sayang to maximum excalibus k! Ming and I took fake-somehow-a-lil-realistic pictures. Dunno why also... Ppl wanna avoid, we purposely made the straws shorter... =S weird kids we are. My mummy, brought my unc and aunt fr s'pore to OU today...without me...when I've lost touch with it since last year. grr..! And she had to come so early..!

Neway, I finally realise I've friends who really care... one that I talk to almost every night about my stupid life.. one that pat me on my shoulder and said " dont be so sad lar...?".. one that just told me to not use those unsterilized pins to cut myself... one that all of a sudden stared at me and said " you okay a-not?!"...one that would give me a hug when I ask for it and then listen to my stories and see me cry. I love you all! Thanks guys! you know who you are.

valentine's day blues? nahh... backside blues..

phew! that was long...! I have been writting.. and I've been neglecting my other books... It's getting to personal! and feels just like my diary! But no! It's different, somehow. I couldn't get on the internet at the weekends... Streamyx was a b*argh!*itch again. so, so..!!

in a few hours time, it's like the day of the lovey dovey people, where first kisses may happen, first dates may happen, love at first sight may happen specially, maybe even love at first shot..? =.=" OWH, florists would prolly make big kachings too! I'd say, I'll just have to pray my day wouldn't be a complete fiasco! It's like this world's filled with unpredictable idiots/clowns/human i should say... Sorry if any of you feel offended, but I said human as well. So if clown or idiot stricked your thoughts, the one of those you are! What i'm just tyring to say is that, why is this world filled with so many types of ppl, which you mistake them for??? Gosh! I don't even know who you are anymore! Owh yea, back to my highlight, let's just get there! It's the *hmmmm* Valentine's Day tomorrow... so, take our your purses and wallets and spend for your loved ones...! Spend spend spend, till inflation happens! Then you start saving and don't wanna spend nemore.. then kemelesetan ekonomi berlaku... then Bank Negara Malays-.... nevermind!

Lastly, before I leave and click "post!" Ben, thank you so much! You just enjoy merajuk-ing all the time at every conflict... You may have been a big help, but you weren't too! I know, I'm not one of those heeheehaahaa clicks of yours, but I treat you like as if I was one of them. I'm so so so wrong! and it's alright if you have to thin and tell me right in the face that I suck. You were the one saying " so this is how you treat me la? after so many years of friendship..." and I take it seriously. I felt bad, I apologized. So what if many people already know bout it, you didnt have to spread it wider and right in front of my face! I wonder what shyt have I done to you that you treat me this nice? If I dont freaking change my attitude I'll lose my friends? So much for all these years Ben. Thank you so much. It never really mattered to you if I cared for you or not. Maybe I went overboard asking "all of you" to "stfu", but you made me feel worse! Everytime I wanna do something nice, you ruin my feelings. I wanted to make a banner for a friend's party, you say I'm crazy over him and addicted? And now I like this person and had all the guts in me, you tell me even if you didnt tell, others prolly would? The last time, I almost tore the banner and cancel the party which eventually made him the happiest person on earth that night. This time, the glass bottle I made a few nights ago might just break any moment now. I guess it's alright if I dont have many friends, cause less people would hurt my feelings, less people would betray me. Goodnight, world. Have a happy valentine's day tmr, cause I'll be wrapping hampers or rather pampers in school.charity. hur hur hur. may all the couples in the world not hurt each other. yes I said "may".

A change should do me good. It will, we all know.

I'm sorry to everyone reading, especially my cousin Cynthia. You haven't got a chance to read my blogs and I'm gonna announce it here that I won't be posting to much anymore. Well Cynthia jie jie, you can read the previous ones still. I will write, but just not as often. I also will keep my words this time. I've been thinking hard, and being a journalist is cool. I think. So, I'll be walking about in school with a book with me at most times. That's the every minute blog, it should be. I would most probably write here every weekend. and pictures would be either in multiply or... geez.. God knows! I don't know where I can upload unlimited pics without having to pay a single ka-ching, and without them having a limit for each month[like multiply], and where I can also share them with you readers. Stay in touch.

To my besties, that's if any of you reads it.. well I know Jinn does, but not often. It's okay Jinn, you won't be missing much. Check it here after weekends. and I mentioned 'besties' because... I did not burn our book. Just that I think our book is useless. So I'll keep it since I was the source. Unless, any of you wanna keep it? =)

Ambitions... I might not be the air-hostess I've been dreaming to be for all this while. Firstly, I don't know why mum doesnt like me thinking bout being it[she says I don't go far..]. Secondly, what if I can't keep myself looking as thin as I look now? Well, I dont think I'm thin, but ppl insist. Wait till I get obesed! So, I'm thinking of make-up artist, going on trips to here or there and writting about it..? I envy Asha Gill! =) We'll see. The future's prolly tomorrow, dear!

So, homework can kill, I'm going to try what it's like now, again. Bye! Till this Saturday..![?]

Don't give me that snarl stare!

okay. So I did some flashbacks of photos with mummy after lunch. And this is the comparison. Dont think I've changed much... right?

I was pretty lazy to type too much last night, infact early this morning. I was woken up at about 11.15am by mummy. Well, I tucked in at 4am! I've finally did some accounts homework. yea, FINALLY. But guess what, I've got a whole ton behind me, and I can't be too bothered.

hurmm... Yesterday, I gave my cousin Cynthia, this vrillie.blogspot url... and so Cynthia jiejie, I've you're reading this, I think you're the only family member of mine that read my blog. So, hush hush hush! Never ask me about this blog in front of my mum/dad... ahahaha!

You see, I'm not very much of what I am in real and in this blog. But the 2 people of me in real and in this blog aren't fake. Yea it's complicated. I am not too happy bout some things, and this is where I let it out. In real, I'd rather that people have good impression of me. gahh..the more I explain the more I dont get what I myself mean! Put it this way, everybody have their ups and downs. My ups are when you see me in real, my downs are when you read my blog.

So, today's weather is horridly[?] humid! You can actually feel the heat piercing into your skin...! If Malaysia weren't like what it is, if Malaysians had such open minds like people in Australia[as told by me sister who's currently there/and I believe so].. People in Australia walk about wearing just ANYTHING they'd like to,anywhere.. My cousin Debs told me that people there wear slippers[some barefooted too!] to college. Someone even told me that they wear their pyjamas to class. No I didnt mean I'd like to wear bikinis and beach thongs to school everyday. Why can't we wear short skirts and a lil revealing tops in Malaysia without having all the mat rempits or chi ko peks staring as if they'd eat'chu up!??

I went to daddy's restaurant yesterday for dinner. I wore my shortest mini skirt I have, and my jie's top that's U-neck-ed. And I got a whole family from 1 table looking at me, into my eyes, like they've never seen human! No, don't come tell me "you got longs legs mar..." or "you're pretty mar..."! If people who's big in size and wear something just as nice, they'd stare too! C'mon! Keep the stares to yourself! People in the European countries dont do such, no? Why must malaysia be so different? Well it being multi-racial is the only good in being different that I see.

Lolx, I don't know how all that came out. But I just had to get that off my chest. I HATE people who stare! So don't make me dig your eyeballs out. =D Btw, I'll be uploading the pictures from the dinner soon. Too lazy.

I'm off to do more homework... *yawn* or maybe not.

Listening to : the same song in this blog.

Feeling: what kind of weather is this mann!!!

I wanted to make it short.

MinLi my niece woke me up today.
Had good dinner in daddy's with big big family.
Got a chance in town when sending Cynthia jie jie and Bryan-nie back to their hotels, and Debs to her apartment.
Had supper after that.
I'm home now.
It's almost 2am.
=) That's all for today.

Just what it feels like...

As I'm typing, I'm loading the pictures into my multiply... and eating my breakfast. It's now 12.05, yes, breakfast! What's for b'fast? cookies, pineapple tarts and... err.. murukku?

*left for lunch*[gawd, she's a pig when it comes to eating]

I'm back. Lunch was.. porridge! =.=" And my pictures are up! Owh, just not the open house ones... So I'll go upload them now..! And here's the link to the CNY pictures in penang and some in KL. http://redcookielips.multiply.com/photos/album/11

currently listening to: Linkin Park's meteora intro.

feeling: aiyor I miss you la!

And now, it's 2.35pm, I'm uploading the 1st 20 of the open house pictures. Still listening to the same song. Aiyor later got tuition somor! I hope we can have dinner with cousins and my aunt at ming tien! argh!!! So sick of staying at home although home is the best place to be. But you cant stay in all your life right?

currently wearing: halter top thanks to stupid weather and shorts.. doh..?

health status: cough cough sniff sniff... !@#$% sorry, that was my mucus.

off to upload the next 20.
eh, why cannot wan...? the page not loading..! okok, can ade...

uploading 19.. not 20... wtf? cause multiply has a limit... =.=" so my pictures are imcomplete. Will post up the rest next month then... iish... 24 more pictures coming in next month.
nvm.. here's some.. heheee.. beh kam buan la.. owh, lagi beh kam buan! Kenot upload wan.. Blogger, you my enemy...! =S and so... http://redcookielips.multiply.com/photos/album/12 for the first few. Enjoy..!

and I just remembered, I have to get to tuition by myself today~! nnnoOoOooOo~!!! what if it rains? No tuition? owh I don't mind!

Listening to : linkin park's meteora intro.
Wearing: the same thing.
Health status: I'm still the same you idiot. fine, you smarty pants.
Feeling: d-doom cha-d-doom cha-d-doom-cha! err.. the beat of the intro... like when you flashback of all the memories you've had... and the flashbacks wind faster and faster, reaching it's climax.. Like you're running away till you start realising there's nowhere you can really run to anymore. Like you wanna runaway to somewhere, you're on this field, this big padi field, facing the sunset, but you don't know where to run to. Like you're thrown into this dark dark room with nothing but you in it, like a vacumm room. Like you wanna pack up your stuff, and leave, hoping you can watch the world from up above. Like kneeling down in front of you and saying please let me go, I don't wanna hurt no more, don't wanna cry no more, please understand how I've felt, that when I say I'm fine, I'm totally not.

shut the f up, avril.

...

I've not uploaded my pictures.. =) Lazy day. I wish I could sleep all day, since I'm not allowed to go out. I need to pay a visit to my friend. IT'S name is ONE UTAMA. Long time no visit, I'm gonna be so outdated. The next time I go, I might be saying "eh, got this shop wan mehh???". I need a BREAK! Not a 1 week holiday because of chinese new year! I need a break that I can go out with friends, NOT WORRYING BOUT FCUKING HOMEWORK GIVEN BY DONKEY TEACHERS, not even worrying if it would be a hassle for mum to pick me up... Bout the f-ing homework, wahai cikgu cikgu, lighten up a bit la! What stupid moral project all...? As if making students like Soon Teck do the project would change him? As if it would make him go recycle every can of beer he drinks, or probably recycle the cig box? fuck it up dey! He's got his poor silly friend to finish it up for him already!

Today's horrible. Dinner wasnt for me. It was pak cham kai. I like, but.. it's not the same. Kakak's black sauce for the rice, and her chillie, it's wayy different! Even the rice! Most of it done by daddy, but his is so...restaurant! And there was no black sauce actually. I was thinking bout kakak the whole time at dinner. And then I had to go for tuition. stupid. ss2 was like some dead town! I wanted to go to SBL to get something, but I peeked from RHB bank and saw nuts. Every light seemed so dim. Well, every street seemed dim!

Thank gawd I'm home now. But I guess I should go finish up my STUPID leftover accounts and whatever homework left la.. Or maybe upload the pictures. anything la!

Today just wasn't my day!

*smiles for CNY*

Whoa.. being away for almost a week, kinda long... and streamyx is a b*urgh*itch! I left for Penang after the previous post. And arrived at 8pm. Had dinner. But with my upset tummy, not very nice dinner. Had dinner at the roadside stalls, just before reaching Hye Keat Estate. Then when we reached 372,HyeKeatEstate, it felt like whoa... we can finally rest! Unload all the things, including daddy's great microwave. Yea, we brought a microwave back to Penang, which's size was like a tv! Owh well, I slept like a log that night. Mummy couldn't sleep cause I snored. =) Daddy was on the canvas bed at the hall. I always loved canvas beds! But daddy didn't allow. The bed was not safe. Yea daddy, if the bed broke you'd be burning your backside with the mang-hiok underneath!

Woke up the next day, went for breakfast near where we had dinner the night before. We 3 ordered wantan mee. Then daddy and I shared 1 plate of chee cheong fun. I had my pat po gu leng peng drink. =) And so we waited for mr wantan mee to make his noodles...he was busy though... Soon we realised "this is taking too long... did uncle forget?" Whoa...!- Daddy went to ask him.. he was like... "wa mai zho liao...!!! mai ar~! mai ar!!" For those who don't understand..." I don't wanna sell anymore..! dowan! dowan!!" hahahaha! C'mon.. It's new year's eve uncle, ppl want your noodles.. Daddy laughed and we expected him not to wanna send nemore over to our table. We bought some small lil curry puffs and zhai kueh. I didnt eat them, my tummy ache attacked. Went home, and helped my aunt and cousin make their dish. It was a hakka dish. Had to roll the flour, then poke hole in the middle.. dunno what it's called la... Then daddy told mummy and I to go and rest cause the night to come would be tiring. Yes we knew. Woke up after that, relatives started coming. All the "whoa... tua hann liao ehh...? che che le? khi cycling ar?" =.=" and I'll have to go... "hehe.. yea.. she's in perth.. for 2 months..then commonwealth.." aiyor...!

The prank on my cousin's husband happened. We laughed. I laughed. I laughed at myself, I didn't dare to go outta the room with the STUPID COSTUME I had on. Like miss lalamui! Then we went on with our Yee Sang.

Know what. I'm really lazy to blog right now. I just got screw. But I'm just gonna tell you some things below:
-Ethan my nephew is so adorable!
-Colin and Jessica my nephew and niece are also as adorable!
-And so is Jason my other nephew!
-My cousin Brian Leow is soooooo DIFFERENT!
-I had cough and flu throughout the first few special days of CNY.
-I didn't gamble.

Okay, now here's what happened yesterday. About 7 of my friends came over to no.2, jln ss52/16. They started of by gambling, not me. Then Tatie came!!! She told me my room was cold enough and would be so nice to have sex in. err... okay, I didn't just type that out right..? Then we talked bout who and who, then we went down for some makan... Then Arvin came.. at about 5plus.. He like shy shy dowan to eat lidet... Then they went on gambling... Daddy helped me make MR.P.nut drink. They said it tasted nice. My first sip and I thought I had milo in my glass! Later on, Ben came!! =) Then at abt 6somethingpm Tatie had to go, then soon..Jo,Ben and Mel had to go too... It was left 3 guys and I. So I toured them into my room lor...

Idiots, they laugh at my mp3 files in my comp! What's wrong with Care Bares Song?! Or even little Pony?! Then they talked bad bout my pillows which were like essential to me when sleeping. Your head la you guys!It didnt and still doesn't smell. Okay, here's Arvin's =.=" joke.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
-No
Neither has he.

Then we were trying to take pictures in the dark, then there was flash, so no difference... hahaha...! Then we tried using handphone lights and the shot was pitching black! ahahaha!!! I had a small "smell my pillow" fight with Arvin. Owh owh!-You know, the guys were doing up their hair in my room... saying "I need a haircut mann.." and the combing and all. I asked Arvin if he wanted mousse. he said he hates mousse. Then I asked him if he wants my sunsilk hair moisturiser. He said " I want a comb la! what sunsilk all..!!??" Then he tried to BRUSH his hair..

Before we left, we took snaps lying down on the floor.. hahaha.. and so...
me: Arvin, you lie down in the middle cos you're the longest...
[no one listened..]
me:No..no.. Arvin..! you lie down in the middle la.. you're the longest!
Arvin:ey, that sounded wrong! Plain wrong!
*laughs*
me: ok fine... you're the tallest... get in the middle!

I meant to say his hands are the longest and can snap from higher above... sigh... Then later on we snapped another like doremi shot. But then we realised I was shorter than Michael already. They left at 10pm. hahaha! Crazy guys! Btw, Arvin left smelling like a gurl was all over him.. okay, maybe 2 gurls... anna sui dream and dolly girl! ahhahaha!!!

Pictures would be uploaded next day. And I will post the link in the next post.

Love all of you!



Love you most!