Life changing decision changes.

Whatever is in the song of Clay Aiken titled Everything I Have, says what I feel right now, this very moment.

I just wished this didn't have to happen. I really don't know you. Who are you, baby? I want to know what's on your mind. Now that we are apart, you seem so different and reserved. And on the other hand, I feel that I want to share everything from my past with you, and not hide anything. If there's anything you'd need to know, I'd rather you hear it from me first-hand. What's wrong, baby? Was it your past? Was it me? Was it not meant to happen? Or is it you? Or my past? What, what is wrong??

By the way, I love the fudge. I never really knew what in the world fudge was, always thought it was just an adjective! I never realized my choice of music was so bizarre until I met you. I've never cooked an aubergine until I was given one! I've never been there, until I was with you. I've never said straight in the face to any guy that I like him, until I met you. Yes, there may be a first time for everything, but they mean a lot to me! Because it's not just any first time thing! But sunshine, what do they mean to you?

But you're gone, so far away. It would be crazy to make this decision I want to make. But I want to. To know if we were meant to meet or not. To know the reason we met. To get to know you better. And also so you can know me better. It's quite a lot of kilommetres away if you come to think of it... And 3 hours time difference is really hard to keep up!

I'd go immediately if I have connections. And I will make it happen.

I do, really like you.

On transit.

I had a pre-Christmas present and a post-Christmas present from you. Spoke to you on the evening before Christmas day, and spent another lot of amazing hours with you on the second day after Christmas. Again I cried. But this time stronger.

I'm feeling sick. Wanna throw up, my tummy hurts, and it's worst than cramps, my heart aches, my head spins. I hope I'll be okay. I hope you've had a nice holiday, not only you spent time with you family and friends, but also because we met.

It was Nic who suggested the chopsticks. Hehe! I'll be honest. And I told her she's crazy cause chopsticks symbolizes marriage to Chinese. But after looking at how pretty they looked, I considered. And only because I knew I amazed you with how I ate my noodles, I thought I'd get you something to remind you of me. So don't worry, I look 90% Chinese, but I don't think 90% Chinese! So they're for you to have Japanese at home!

Thank you for the Fudge! =) You're making me fat.. But I'll listen, one a day only.

I'm missing you, so badly. I really don't know why this hurts so much. I can't wait to hear from you in 4 more hours! I can't wait till the next time we meet again.

Baby you're one of the best things that's happened in my life. Also the top 5 best things that happened this year. And the Best thing that has happened in the month of December.

There's so much more I need to know about you, so much more about myself I want to tell you.
I look forward to all of you!

with much love, darling,
avril

I'm beyond words,

If I had to stop looking, I'd stop at you.
You're amazing.
I really like you.
I need you.
I couldn't ask for more.
I hope you feel the same.
Or at least it's not just for this vacation?
You drive me crazy.
I want to keep you.
What can I do?
I hate this part.
Hold me tight.
I'm losing my mind.
I don't want to see you go.
I think I might have fallen for you.

A Nut Case.

Hey you, of all places and time to meet. When I first saw you, I was beyond words. Then I talked to you, and I talked non-stop. When I thought I talked to much, I all of a sudden had nothing to say. And when we both want to say something, we interrupt each other. You're amazing. This sounds crazy, but from what I've seen in you, if I had to stop looking, I'd stop at you. I've never had anyone say something so meaningful to a woman before, at least to me. I've received tarts, I've received flowers, but never an aubergine. You are one of a kind. I'm crazy for you, I am. The time spent together, I enjoyed a lot. I don't want to forget. I don't know if you're just charming me, like you do to every other girl, but I know I'm out of my mind. I have thought, the moment you said you leave on Sunday, what's going to happen to me?! Then I think, would this be taken a step farther? And true enough, who knew, you are so amazing. I'm beyond words in describing you. If you're reading this, Mr. Nut Breath, I really like you but I don't know what I should do.

red

ever felt like your life was planned out for you? Never get to do the things you want to do? Ever felt like the whole world has everything in your hands? Ever woke up on day saying 'I need to get a life' or 'why am I living?' ?? Ever felt so mad, you could hit your head on the wall, just because you don't want to create a commotion and argue? ever hated yourself so much you hit yourself and feel numb? ever wanted to runaway so far, you don't want to come back? ever felt like you're never going to succeed in life if this fucking shit goes on? ever felt like you have no control over the things you wish to do? ever felt like, even your fucking day is planned out, and no you cannot make changes? ever felt like biting your lips cause you're mad, biting till you bleed? ever felt like you're trying to make a difference but no you're not fucking allowed? ever felt neglected of love? ever felt the neglect of love, over MONEY? fuck this life.

But you broke me, now I can't feel anything.

*but you broke me, now I can't feel anything.
*Oh it tears me up, I try to hold on but it hurts too much, I tried to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay.
*Oh the truth hurts and lies worse, how can I give anymore, when I love you a little less, than before?

But no, I don't want to hold you again. Dont want to feel again. Let me go.
James Morrison and Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings

I'm here to talk about the pathetic part of my life again, although there's the rest of my life which is pretty amazing.

I just can't believe that this is how you want things to end. I was made a fool, falling for you, thinking you feel the same and we both will be the ones to make each other happy. When you said that we will talk about it soon, I was a little confused. Talk about it, meaning you'll tell me you feel the same and want us to be together? Oh wait, but then why does it seem like such a serious matter?

And when you said there are mutual agreements I had thought wrong. And you're stupid enough to stop explaining when I asked you to stop. You stop when you have to, but you didn't have to because I didn't know who it really was/is!

You expected me to forgive you? I don't know if I really did. I've been telling myself I'm done, but I still think of you. Shit, I'm in deep shit. Because you, you were the one to hurt me, yet you're the one who plays all jealous and bitchy. I don't get you, no one does! He's just a friend, and I couldn't have him along? Bitch.

Do you really expect me to believe the things you said? It's not that it's too late when we met again. Say it, you don't like me enough to leave her. Is it so hard? And if you really have feelings for me, more than her, you could've made a difference and not lead her on to nowhere. But no, you chose the easy way out perhaps. Yes, you were fooling yourself. You've never asked me this, but if you ever asked yourself, yes you're a bastard. I think I deserve to have friends, after being hurt by you. Why not? Just because I told you I'm in love with you, and that makes me guilty for having a friend along?

If anyone should know I've been calling you, I would've been presented an award for The Most Stupidly Blinded By One-sided Love Girl. Restraining myself from calling you is a very very tough task. But the best part is to pretend like nothing happened when talking to you again. Heck, you too can get an award, for best acting.

You made a fool out of me. You won. Won my heart too.
But I'm done, I really am. Not only my friends dislike what you have done, my mother thinks you're one of my most horrible friends too.

I hope you like this specially dedicated post, to you.
salaud.