Not here to say I'm sorry, not here to lie to you. But I've made up my mind.

I was going to talk about what's currently depressing me, but something made me click on 2 comments I've not moderated for so long, even after I've read it. Of course, I deleted it.

But those two comments made me change my mind. I'm depressed because of someone, who's leaving. Not only because he's leaving, but ti's because I really really like him. This comment that I just read told me that once someone knows how I feel for 'em, and no good comes my way, it's time to let go and move on. It's true, but someone as silly as me would still hold on. I'd always like to get a clear answer, not just a picture, but the answer. Ofcourse, through all the quarrels I've had, it's obvious I had to move on. Actually, it's not that I don't know I have to let go.

It's certain things that I take into account very seriously. A small gesture and I'm taking it as a hint. I talk to my friends and they say it's just flirtings. I don't understand. And I still don't.

I was truly crushed when I read that you're leaving. I still am. I just felt so numb inside. I felt so much like texting you today, but I realised that I shouldn't. You did give me an answer though it was indirect. And you told me not to be sad. Well, who wouldn't be anyway.

I don't know my point for posting this today, I don't have a point. I guess I was just having high hopes on you. I never learnt my lesson, I have always put high hopes, even though my jie and my mongchacha tells me not too all the time. Someone has to scold me I guess. Anyways, this is what you get when you come to your create-post page without a thought, nothing.

Oh, before I go, matters that arise stated in the previous post are settled. =)

Listening to: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
Feeling: Torn and numb. Stone-ish. Tired.

Owh, know what, Jinny screwed up with Mlia and they're fine now. I screwed up with one good friend of mine, we're still not fine, cause she started ignoring me about 40minutes ago. Jinny had tried to call Mlia so many times but she didnt answer his calls. I somewhat lost my phone/left it in the salon, and I ransacked my room for any old books which contains her number, and found none. I looked for friends online who knows her and have her number. No one online did. They all have phones to sms her for me though, but I don't have her number in my head[but now I do].

[okay, no more 'Jinny and Mlia', I just did it for fugs.]
I changed my msn nickname just incase she was online but had blocked me, so I asked her to stay online! I'm guessing it didnt work that way. Then I typed her an email. Explaining what I meant to say, and that I had no bad intentions. And of course, that I am very very very truly sorry from my heart, and if I lied that I had no bad intentions, I swore upon my heart that lightning would strike me. I wouldnt swear such things, my dear good friend, what more with lightning! I can't even sleep with thunder!

Girl, I'm really sorry, and I'm not going to type my explanations here, I've sent you an email. Our friend is right now being middle man, helping me to text you and all, I'm sorry I cant do it by myself, because I left my phone, god knows where. I'm being such a wuss right now, my heartbeat's racing against each other.

And at times like this, we always do need someone to calm us down and tell us everything would be okay, and anyhow comfort us, right? Wouldn't you? Well, thankfully I have Shi Ching to text my good friend for me, and she even came online again to tell me what my friend replied[well, even if you didn't, Shi Ching, thank you.]At times like this, when you feel horrible, you feel like such a piece of dung, you start looking for someone. And your last resort would probably be your diary, which doesn't answer you. Sometimes, most of the times, it's best to go straight to your diary. It's good if you have someone to spill them to, so that they can answer you and comfort you. But it's much better to not get an answer but you could still spill, and you don't get ignorant messages.

Sometimes we just want a tad bit of attention at times when we're down, sad, worried, fugged-tub, scroodup, feelin like a shithead, or just unhappy.And how to we try to get the attention, we act/be a wuss. Some do the manja thing. Some talk suicide. Some just want to stand on the chair that swivels, and then fall backwards. And we'd always hope for nice words like, "aww, don't.. if you do, who would I have?", "it's not worth", you know, nice words! And when we are in such moods, such sensitive moods, we happen to ask "do you miss me?" or "how much do you sayang me?", we'd normally hope for "of course I miss you" or "okla okla, miss you la.." or "I sayang, a lot.....". But we'd feel like standing on the chair and falling backwards, so much, if we get an answer like "uhm, I dunno?".

I'm not giving lesson on how to handle people who enjoy or is being a wuss at most times, for small issues. I'm just expressing what a wuss I am, and how I thought I'd be treated. I guess I think too far, I hope too high, it's all too much that I'm asking for.

This being a wuss part of this post is not about my misunderstanding with my good friend. I'm not here for sympathy cause I think I lost my phone. Some people think that this is such a wrong time to worry about all this shyt, like whether he/she's mad at me, whether I just had a misunderstanding with my friend, whether I'm currently mad at my date or not, whether I should shave my legs or not, whether I left my phone in my great grandma's undies, or in the salon, whether I should fall backwards off the chair or not. Talk about the relevant[only] examples I gave, be in such a situation, then you speak. I know SPM is fugging near and around 3 corners, I know I haven't been doing much, I know I dream too much, but can't any of you be nice enough to help me through, or just listen and give some cushion, and then only tell me not to worry too much about this first...? I guess I have to tell people exactly how it feels, then they'd get me. And by then, it's too late.

Yea, I think I'll decide to fall backwards off the swivelling chair. Then get a scissors stabbed into this body. and then say "Have a Fucking Good Night!".

The Notebook - With every great love, comes a great story.

I watched this show called The Notebook today, on Star Movies. It was about an old man, reading a story to another old lady. This old lady has this disease where she can forget everything including herself at any moment, and later on she'd remember again.

The story this old man is reading to this lady is actually about her past, when she was in love with a guy. Her name was Allie, and the guy's name was Noah. She was a rich affordable girl, has blonde hair and that sophisticated look. She went to Noah's village for summer. They fell in love and all. One day when she was out late with Noah, he brought her to a pretty pretty but abandoned house. They were getting on to sex in that empty house, which Noah had a dream of rebuilding it and making it his. Allie was panting tremendously, it was her first time. She kept talking and asking Noah what was on his mind. She realised she was talking too much and she said she'd shut up. But she went on. She asked him how come he was so quiet. He was turned off there, and then she said she's sorry because she wanted to make her first time something to remember. LOL. She's so cute! And they continued talking and suddenly a friend of Noah's budged into the house and said that Allie has to go home. Her parents had sent some cops out to look for her as she wasn't when it was already 2am.

She went home with the guy and her mum scolded her and disallowed her from seeing Noah again. She went to talk to Noah, and they argued. She yelled at him to leave, and then she said she didn't mean it and all. She was so messed up. The next morning, her mother said that they'd better leave, and go back to New York. Before she left, she went to look for Noah. But he went to work. Then she told Noah's friend to tell him she loves him.

She went to further her studies, and meanwhile met a guy, a rich one. Noah joined the military force. He wrote letters to Allie ever since she left for 365 days but had no reply. Her mum kept them away from her. The guy Allie met had proposed to her. When Noah came back after many years, his father had sold their old house so that Noah can buy his dream house. When one day Noah went to the city to get his house plan approved, he spotted Allie. He tried to catch up on her, and eventually he saw her, in a restaurant, kissing her fiance just like how she kissed Noah before. He was crushed. Soon after that, his father had passed away and he was alone with the house. He rebuilt it beautifully, just the way he had promised Allie it would be.

Many people had offered all types of amounts to buy the house, but he kept looking for reasons to keep the house. One day when Allie was trying out her bridal gown, her mum and her friends we getting excited from reading in the papers that some big man in town would be attending her wedding, and that is would a really grand wedding. When they opened up the papers to read more, there appeared Noah's picture and the pretty house he built. Allie fainted on the spot.

Allie went to tell her fiance that she wants to take a break and she wanted a vacation. She drove herself to Seabrook. She saw the house. He saw her. She stumbled and almost left without stepping into the house, but eventually she went in. They talked, they had tea, they had dinner, and she promised to come back the next morning. Noah took her on a boatride. Then it rained later on and they were soaked. Allie suddenly shouted at him, "how come you never wrote?!" and then Noah said "I wrote to you for a year!!" Their petty arguement went on and they kissed just like the way they'd make up for any complications. And they had sex. She woke up with flowers next to her and a note saying Noah had went to get breakfast. He told her to follow the arrows for a surprise. She ran along the arrows with a blanket wrapped around her. The arrows had lead her to what Noah promised her. She was in a painting room over-looking the lake and sunset.

A sudden knock on the main door downstairs. She ran down in her blanket, opened the door. It was her mum. She questioned her mum about the 365 letters. They talked a bit. Then her mum took her for a ride. Her mum showed her that her mum actually was in the same situation as her. She was in love with a man just like Noah many years back before she met Allie's father. She sent Allie back to Noah's house, and before Allie left, she finally gave her the letters. Noah was back in his house. And then they talked again. But it ended up in an argument because Allie was undecided. Noah said "You leave me, and then you have sex with me and you want to go and get married?!" Before she left he asked her, "Don't think about what others want! What do you want?!!!" and she only had to say "I have to go..!" He was crushed again. She went to her hotel, and talked to her fiance who had already went to look for her.

He said nicely, "So right now, I have three choices. First, I'll shoot him down. Second, I'll get him whacked. Third, I'll leave you. But none of it is gonna allow me to have you.." They both said "I love you."

And according to the old man's way of telling the story to the old lady who's forgotten about her past, he said "..and they lived happily ever after." Old lady Allie asked.."who??" and then kept silent for awhile. And then she said "Oh, yes..! Noah, I love you!!!"

So Allie had finally remembered who this old man was. The book he read the story from, was Allie's notebook. The danced in the room and kissed and hugged. And suddenly Allie backed off. "Who are you?! What are you doing?! Where am I?! Stay away!!! Help!!" and Noah tried to calm her down. Soon enough the nurses and the doctor came[they lived in a medical home] and gave Allie a relaxant jab. Noah cried. His world seemed turned-over. He tried so hard to revive her memories and she forgot all over. He cried really hard. The next day, the nurses found no pulse in him. They rushed him to emergency. And then he was soon stabilized.

He went to see Allie in her room. She woke up and saw him. He held her hands. And they talked and loved. He lied on the bed next to her and wished each other 'goodnight'.

And that's the love story I watched today. Not exactly the same at the start, cause I didn't watch from the start. But storyline's about the same. It was starred by Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling. I fell in love with Ryan too. He's so cute! Go watch the trailer that from the link below. This story had a really good meaning behind it. I suggest you should strive your way to go watch it one day. I'm gonna get the book,which is by Nicholas Sparks, or maybe some sweetie pie can be sweet and get it for me? Okay, cut the shyt out. Working again tomorrow.





The Notebook's official website
The movie review
Goodnight! =)

Astrologies Rule My Mind

Have I ever told you that I believe in astrologies? Let me share with you some things I found out about myself. =]

These are its definations...
Behavior
Are you flirtatious? Do you know how to listen? Do you know how to make yourself available but not too available?

Energy
What energy are you giving off to others? Is it light and optimistic? Calm and confident? Heavy and tense? Are you self-doubting?

Maintenance
Do you take care of yourself physically? Are you mindful of things like the cleanliness of your body and the sparkle of your teeth?

Appearance
Are you doing what you can to maximize your physical appearance, or do you leave it to chance and hope everything turns out okay?

Attitude
This might come as a surprise, but how you see yourself and the outside world affects how others see you. Your own esteem and attitudes really matter.

And with that...
Only 48% of my attitude is what attracts people.
60% of my behaviour is what attracts people.
61% of my energy is what attracts people.
74% of my maintenance is what attracts people.
87% of my appearance is what attracts people.

The elaboration is meant for me to know and not you. =)

Next, this is for you to guess who it is. But you'll never guess.

I'm very well matched with this starsign. I am more willing than most to tolerate his tendency to be self-centered or egotistical. You'll recognize potential him by the way he can capture everyone's attention when he enters a room. He loves to strut at social events and will often be the center of attention. To that end, he is typically outgoing, self-assured, and flamboyant. Romantically, it's not uncommon for him to have admirers lined up around the block vying for their charismatic company. I'm likely among this crowd. After all, personal charm is one of the things that most attracts me.

More often than not, he'd be a loyal partner and is not the cheating type. On the contrary, he tends to romanticize his relationships and doesn't allow for much flexibility when it comes to honor. I'm apt to find great peace in the knowledge that my love is secure with my man. When issues do arise in your relationship, I can trust him to come to me first.

Pleasure can be an enormous draw for him. He loves to have a good time, and he wants me to enjoy life, too. One way he helps to ensure this is by being generous. He'll relish seeing the joy I get from any gift that he bestows upon me. However, I may not understand his needs to give so many little gifts. Perhaps I'd feel that there are more important ways for someone to show affection. However, I have to be aware that displaying this view will only cause him to feel rejected and unvalued. The tokens he gives can get quite pricey, in part because he loves to spend money. Because I often favor a bit of excess myself, I'm likely to revel in sharing my man's expensive indulgences.

Another one of his hallmark traits is that he is a natural leader. As such, these individuals often possess both great courage and a high tolerance for risk. He often charges forward fearlessly into new endeavors, letting things sort out as they will. I'll be one partner who'll probably be happy to join him in such ambitious pursuits. A little risk isn't likely to scare me away. But regardless of whether I'm up for joining him, he will usually forge ahead. He can't help it. It's in his nature.

No matter what the situation, he partner isn't the type who's afraid to show his dominant side. This might be just fine with me, as it can be fun for me to let someone else take the lead. He can have a tendency toward self-absorption, which may leave me feeling out in the cold at times. However, if I speak up, he will usually gladly reintegrate me into their adventures and aspirations.

He isn't afraid to talk about the problems that come up in our relationship. In fact, his passion can often lead to fiery conversations. All the same, I can count on his warm heart and desire for peace to keep these encounters firmly grounded in loving feelings. His candidness will appeal to me in matters of the heart. I appreciate a partner who will work through my relationship's sore spots as a team. Together, me and your man should be able to take on any conflict that comes up.

In the bedroom, he can really turn up the heat. He has a robust sex drive and amazing amounts of passion. His charisma will kick into overdrive as he romance his way into a lover's heart. This fervor may be intimidating for me. He moves pretty fast, and I may not be prepared or willing to meet the sexual pace he sets.

Whether in his careers or as a hobby, he is the individual who is often most drawn to the stage and performance. Perhaps this is because he's usually talented in atleast one of the performing arts: drama, music, or dance. In this aspect of his life, too, he loves to be in the spotlight and hear the applause of a crowd. I would be the perfect audience for such endeavors. In fact, it will probably make me quite proud to see your man ate achieve his dreams — whether he performd at a small local café or Carnegie Hall.

Okay! Was that long enough? Anyways, you're not supposed to guess who, just guess what starsign is he. =) He's actually second perfect, and another Arien is my perfect match... but I've read somewhere before that both rams would come up to many many complications. At times I think I understand this person, yet at times I feel like I don't.

Anyways, enough of this person. He's getting too much publicity. And I'd like to tell everyone something more. And that is... No matter how blur and donkey-like my kokor is, I know he sayang me. A lot. I know he wants me to make the right choices for my own life's sake. He just doesn't show it too well, right kor? And with that, I sayang you too, kokor! =)*beaucoup beaucoup bisous!*

I am now fat like a cow.

You take a fun survey and it asks you "think of a person of the opposite sex".. Which it actually means 'think of the person you like'[usually]. But it feels funny for me when I took such a survey recently. I couldn't think of a name. I didn't like any of the names that came to mind...! I just felt odd aight. Not that I needed a name. I'm tired of all the names. =)

I was just talking to my kokor via msn.. and we were talking about prom and after prom... He said I'll probably be drunk and got lost and he'd be in deep trouble. Then I said he'd have to be drunk as well, if I was drunk. And he said he'd go to my mum and dad and explain to them..

"Hi uncle, Hi aunty. we went out for some drinks and Avril got drunk. Now she's missing but.. oh well.. Life's like that right? U win some and u lose some. Come.. Have a drink with me.. Here.. here.."

OMG! That totally cracked me up! This nutcase here was even saying:
prom dress, 500 bucks
prom night, 200 bucks
after party, 50 bucks
telling Avrril's parents you lost her drunk, and their expresssions...
PRICELESS!

*laughs*
Mann, I haven't had any drinks and I'm going nuts now.

Alright, about Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Selamat Hari Raya Aidifitri to those celebrating! Sorry, but I don't think I'm going to eat lemang, rendang, nasi beriyani, kuah kacang, nasi kunyit, lontong, and not going to drink syrup for the next 1 month! Today, I visited 6 HOUSES and put on a bloody fake smile and wish 'slamat ari raye...!' to everyone. From neighbours to people I barely know! 6 houses, from 11.30am to 7pm.

I'm now fat like a cow! Goodbye!

Traumatised by pre-evolution of humans.

Today had seemed like a normal day for everyone, more or less just about it. But as for me, I'm traumatised.

This afternoon, after lunch, daddy came home from work. Mummy and I joined daddy at the patio, chit-chatting, and then daddy went to Betty[my second monkey]. Daddy wanted to prove me wrong, that Betty is actually really friendly and fine. Dad said so cause Betty is that way with him. With the way Betty was with me the other time, I'm still a little bit more reserved with her. So I went over to Sandra first, asked her to get on my hand but she showed me 'monkey face'. =)

Fine, I finally went to Betty, who was playing around with daddy. Betty climbed onto my hand. Then to my shoulder. Back to the fence of HER house, then on me again. Suddenly she just slided herself lower and gave a real hard bite on the shoulder and I tried to pull her away. Daddy held her by the leash and scolded her, even more than he has ever scolded me. I backed off and tear a lil as it was horribly painful. I pulled my collar aside to see what Betty could've done. And it was purple and about a centimetre long. I went to wash it and came out again. Mummy was shocked, as she was on the phone and didnt know what had happened.

I took quite some guts to get near Sandra this time. Daddy was playing with her and left Betty alone already. Then I called out for Sandra, and she came on me, clinged onto my shoulder like she would always. Made some manja noises and cuddled. And daddy was just saying and praising.. "ahaha.. She's so clever to manja.. Good Sandra..!" And I patted her.

Before I knew, she was agitated and got furious with me for no reason. She had her hands on my neck gripping hard and I remember pulling both her hands away from my neck and daddy had her on the leash. I back off and I cried. I just didn't understand why she'd ever do such a thing to me. I went into the house again while daddy scolded her this time, and I washed my neck again. Mann, it was burning painful! Mummy who was already in the house earlier on didnt know what happen again this time. Then she asked me why was I crying. I told her and I cried even more. And I went straight to go and shower. I myself was shocked to see the scratches that is now a scar that still hurts badly.

I turned on the shower and got myself wet. Wet my hair and ran out of the showered area and felt like screaming! It was burning my neck, my face, my shoulder! I simply lathered myself with soap and rinsed. Guess what, I had to wash my hair in the sink so that my neck wouldn't get wet.

After my shower, I showed mummy my neck and she said I would have to go and see a doctor! Daddy took a look and said it'll be okay. Owh yea, I left out one part! I have such lips that are a little swelled[only the upper lip], and I cannot yawn properly! Anyways, daddy and mummy had decided that the monkey shall be sent away, maybe to the zoo. I was taken aback. I didn't think it'll be to this extend. I was going to take a nap, but I couldn't fall asleep too easily. With the pain, the thought of Sandra being sent away, without being able to sleep on any side but my back[my right shoulder has the bite, my neck on the left side has those scratches, same goes to my face..].. I was still tearing a bit..

I was gonna go have dinner at daddy's place, but meeting my uncle and his family at The Curve first. I got dressed[with something that wouldn't touch my shoulder], got my earrings, and yea perfume ofcourse! I sprayed my perfume on my usual spots... and that would mean, ON MY NECK!!! Holey moley, I was clenching my teeth together so tight I wanted to scream but no, *I shall bare this!*.

After dinner, I came home, washed my face, ready for bed. Not really, but to cut it short la.. I thought the scars on my face wouldn't hurt so bad anymore, but I still didn't use my Clearasil face wash, cause this one has the cooling feeling after washing. I just used a normal bar soap to feel cleaner before sleeping. I rubbed the soap onto my face, hmmm.. it didn't hurt! BUT, when I rinsed it off, I almost could've screamed again! Whoa.. these monkeys are GREAT!

Yet, I don't want Sandra to be sent away. If Betty it's okay, but not Sandra! Sandra's my baby girl, and I'm sure she had some monkey-reasons for doing that. Maybe Betty told her something earlier on, maybe Sandra felt like because of me, her good friend Betty got scolding from daddy? I don't know, but I know Betty has never really liked me. Maybe Betty's previous owner might take her back, and we'll try to keep Sandra with us and see how it goes. Daddy's worried about how they'd be in the future.

I'm sad, I don't wanna see Sandra go. I seem bias to Betty, but I've always tried to play around with her and make friends with her, but she never gave me a chance. Sandra has never done something like this to me, unless for a reason like accidentally pulling her leash too hard and make her feel provoked.

Sigh. There, my scars.




Goodnight.

Happy Diwali.

First off, I've not been lazy to blog, but I simply have nothing to blog about. I've been just so blank! I have thoughts of blogging about this and that, but when I come to beta.blogger.com I'm totally blank! And that sucks!



And next, everybody, Happy Deepavali!!! Happy celebrating the festival of lights! It's one occassion I always look forward to, every year! I get to wear pretty traditional Indian costumes, go for open houses and make my stomach feel like a ball... yea, pretty much the same thing happens every year. I'd be sleeping in the afternoon, lunch and dinner at the same houses every year, with the exact same food! It's cool anyway!



And finally, today is my daddy's birthday too! =) I'm not gonna say much here, daddy is more or less computer illiterate. He doesn't use internet. But he knows how much I love him already, cause I made him a nice card[which he complimented me with the pretty combination of colours I used] and a compilation of 5 photos into a frame. Well, here's a short 'Happy Birthday Daddy!!!' to my dada..! =D



Pictures:

My photo compilation for daddy.

The back of the frame.

The card I made.

And here we go, with Deepavali celebrations.

Grandma and I in the car.

Birthday daddy and I at Aunty Uma's house. You like my Punjabi suit? =) Well, I do!

I really like my Punjabi suit! You really don't?

I'm gonna have to make you like it!

Okay, maybe this can't convince you much, thanks to my greasy face. You know the way we sweat, when it's Deepavali and we're all so... 'kan cheong'?? That explains.

This is ofcourse editted! But you know you like this picture, but you don't wanna say it. Me too! =)

Neways, I just had to tell you something and it's official!
I had always thought I knew Ben the longest.. and I'd brag about how close we are though we don't show it and bla bla bla...

This is THE Ben I'm talking about...
But actually... I've known Mr Chia Eu Jinn before Benjo! I was searching for photos for my dad's photo compilation, and I found this!

Owh, NO! Not this!

This! Search for the donkey on the right.

My mummy remember a kid that looks a bit like him too. She said she probably met his parents too. Mann, that's scary to know! Eh, Jinn, your eyes damn small hor?

You know, Jinn isn't talking to me at the moment. We're in the state of 'even If I'm online, I'm asleep to you' . Guess why? Cause I didn't wanna send these photos to him! Well, I didn't know that he was in the same class with me during my first year of kindy because he wasn't in the class photo! To see what Jinn is like right now[well the picture I'm gonna like you to was taken a year ago.], go here.
*sigh...*
=P

That's all for today! Btw, Kah Yang[if you're reading..], I'm not mixed. =) I'm a pure Chinese, but I'd like to be thought as a mixed culture sometimes. Doink!

Let's kiss and say goodbye pretty baby.

Ever since Rapid KL bus system has changed, the bus numbers are in white fonts on a lime green background, the numbers are all different, the fares have raised[but worth it, only if you have atleast 2 trips].. and lastly, their schedules don't coincide with what time the school bell would ring and what time students would reach the station!!! Which is soooo wrong! =/

And that is because I use their bus services and I've not been able to utilise it! I've been missing the bus this whole week, taking cabs home, or walk! How pathetic is that?! Everytime I approach the LRT station as close as I can see it, the bus is at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green. And I try to walk as fast as I can, hoping luck is on my side.. run-walk a lil... And the light turns green! Everybody accelerates! Go.. go..go...! And I'm doomed! Like today, I actually ran for the fucking bus, with my pinafore skirt flying up a little too much, but when you really want to chase that fucking bus, how much of a Marilyn Monroe can you get? -You wouldnt even give a damn! Anyways, I still didn't get the bus! And there was this man in a car few metres behind the bus, he looked at me and smiled like 'haha! no bus for you!' and I was totally mad.. I mouthed 'fucker...' as I turned away. I guessed he didn't see it. I walked to the taxi stand feeling really, really mad... And then a lady, who was the driving the car the man was in, she shouted "excuse me..?" and I turned around, and she said "where are you going??" I gestured my hand 'no, it's okay..' And she drove off.

Excuse me ma'am, that was really nice of you[thank you], but heck I don't even know you! And you want me to tell you where I'm going? You want me to show you roughly where I stay? What are you trying to prove? And the man next to you gave me that smile and made me even more mad, you want me to sit at the back of your car, with that man there? ARE YOU CRAZY???

Listening to : Manhattans - Kiss and Say Goodbye

heart without a home

I wanna blog but I don't know what to blog about. So here I am just to tell you I'm not dead. Just surviving. =\

For having you to love.

Ever since I met you last year, I've had the hots for you. The first time you talked to me, I thought you were hitting on me. Then you cared so much bout me. Put me at first priority among the others. Then I found out you were assigned to be my guardian. Then when we started talking a little bit more, having fun in the late evening, singing songs together and sharing laughters together. When you left, I felt a slight emptiness in my heart. Then we never met till the 13th of March this year. Then I hugged you before you left. And we parted again. Then it was the dinner. And that night, was 1 of my happiest nights ever. And that's almost about how many times I've seen you. I've seen you many times before I really talked to you, but I never knew what a down to earth person you could be. What a charm you could be. What a sweetie pie you could be. What stupid smile of yours could make me go 'awwww'. What difference you could make in my life.

Last night I was back in my mum's hometown. Usually, sleeping would never be a problem for me. But last night, was one of the nights where my eyes were wide open in the dark. And all I thought of was you. Or maybe us. Which I hope there would be, someday soon. You're special to me. I can tell myself I'm not into you, but I know that if ever you tell me you're having the hots for me, we'll be fine. Absolutely fine. But would we ever?

You know, you've always been my inspiration, even though you don't always know the right words to say at the right time. Your smile lifts me up. You smokey mata sepet makes me melt. =) The way you're so sincere with your words makes my whole world go upside down. You, this charm in you makes me wanna know you more. Makes me wanna know what's it like being WITH you. Makes me wanna know what it's like being in your arms. Makes me wanna know how warm it'll be sitting next to you and watching tv on the couch. Makes me wanna know what's it like having my hand in yours.

I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in everyway.

If I could be the perfect girl in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

If I could be the perfect girl in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

If I could be the perfect girl in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything

If I could be the perfect girl in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything... I have

Yes, I do miss you.

Love,
avRriL.

Tampon vs Sanitary Pads.

*hesitates to blog... but anyway...*
This is a post meant for the girls only. If you're a guy/man/male/homme/gay/have 2 balls and a dick... you might wanna leave this post unread. But if you're interested in knowing more about girls have blood outta their hmmm usually every month, then go ahead. Enjoy!

First off, I'm guessing many of my female readers use normal sanitary pads during their time of the month. And then you worry if it leaks out of it, and stains your trousers/skirts, and then the chair. Some of you, like me, may get a horrible rash at your inner thighs. Then you probably also worry if the shape of your pad could be seen through those pants.

Well, for me, there's no need for it anymore. I guess. *drum roll* Tampons, play a good job during your menstruation! Tampons won't take your virginity away. Tampons won't hurt if you use it correctly. That is, if you're calm enough to fit it in. =) You don't really need to know how to use a tampon, but it's best to read the leaflet in your new pack of tampons, if you're new to Miss Tampons. It tells you every step, including "relax!".

If you're a new user, I personally advice you to use those that come with the applicator. It helps to get it in. And if you're fine with it already, use according to your flow.

With a tampon, you don't have to worry if anyone can see it, cause even you can't! And it's unlikely to leak, if you change it as often as necessary. To be safe if you think you still worry, then just use a pantyliner! And let's say you're in school/work and need to change it, the tampon is freaggin small compared to your sanitary pad. I'm saying this cause I'm sure when you take it outta your bag or so, you don't want the whole world to know you're having your period. So, it's handy! A tampon is a size of a bullet! Just that this bullet is made of cotton[not 100% cotton though,] and doesn't harm you[doesn't harm most people].

Aside from that, some people are at risks of TSS [Toxic Shock Syndrome], where you might come up with symptoms of fever, diarrhea, and stuffs like that. Well, then it's too bad, you gotta remove it and go see your gynae. And I don't think you'd be able to earn benefits from a tampon. =(

I've nothing much left to say about tampons, but I must assure you, you wont feel anything when using a tampon! Owh, and please note, a tampon is not a masturbating object. You wanna masturbate, err... get a dildo! Besides, a tampon is too small to give you the orgasm. =.=" And I'm only saying THIS, because I don't THINK anyone masturbates with something as small as a bullet? Pity it.

Here are some links to know further:
OB tampons
Playtex Tampons
Kotex Tampons
On TSS and other menstruation issues

Well, I hope you enjoyed that information. Then you perverted guys reading must be wondering now, 'so she....?!" Yes, I use tampons, because I hate sanitary pads! They give me f*cking rashes! =) That's all for tonight. Till my next post.

Surprise..!!!

Once in awhile, it's nice not to type about anything, but to take quizzes and tests just for the sake of it, and sharing the results on your blog whether it's true or not. But by far, most tests I take give true results. Accept for the WMP one the other day. That was stupid. Besides, I also believe in Astrologies/Starscopes..
whatever.. They just seem true for me. Anyway, here.

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play. You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party. Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Should Wear Boot-cut Jeans

Not just for boots, this versatile style can show off any shoe. So go for funky boots, platform heels, sexy pumps... whatever works.

What Cut of Jeans Should You Wear?

This cracks me up! =P

Your Guy Could Bring You Home

When it comes to meeting the parents, you're cool and calm. In fact, you're so self assured, you may forget to try to impress them. Work that famous charm a little more, and your boyfriend's family will be loving you.

Would He Bring You Home to Mom?

You can't see my face? Well, that's a surprise to wait for. Something's new! =) Have a good day, readers!

Anyone got tips on losing weight? Drop them in my tagboard!