Firefly

I have been drowning my head into Mary Bernadette Tan or rather known as Bernie's book, Firefly all day. And could never felt more inspired. I think I wouldn't mind reading it all over again. It simply shows the way cruelty comes into life. Where no one cares and you're neglected, for life. When shooting it into yourself is the only way in life.
Here's bits from the book...
From page 52: Another doctor thought I had been raped and did a test. They sedated me but I could feel the pain when they inserted something into my vagina. It hurt a lot. When I asked the doctor if I was still a virgin after the test, she replied, "Does is make any difference?" I cried. If I ever was raped, it was by a pair of cold, sterile instruments.

(She took so much crack that when they sedated her she could still feel the pain. and that doctor is heartless, like many in this world.)

From page123: October 18th 1998 -My sister visited me and I was wearing a University Hospital blouse. She said "Shame, shame, not wearing bra." I was wondering what's so shameful about that. It's so hot, I can't afford to switch on the air-cond and it's my own house. My dog is not complaining. Why don't they say shame, shame for not having eaten breakfast or not going to the hospital for my pain killing injections or to the grocery store to buy bread? What is morality when mortality is staring at me?

(that was one bit she took off her diary.)

One poem she found in her diary:

Knock and No answer
Enter and No one
Wait not in the House of Death
turn around and run

There's evil and there's darkness
No angels dare tread
If you keep your soul
Run and don't come back

Ravenous spirits walk the floor boards
Restless rocks the rocking chair
In the House of Death
is a house of gloom...
There is NOBODY there!

The songs she listened to: Solitaire by Carpenters, Knocking on Heaven's door by Bob Dylan(those that I know)

My whole day, must've been a tribute to Bernie. I just miss her so much. She passed away last year, abt one month after mummy and I knew her. Last year, I had thoughts of sending her blended fruit juices after school but mummy told me that it would turn bad by the time I reach her place. She didn't live to far from my place, nearer to school, in ss4. I used to 'cha kuat' for her when she had sudden back pains. I remember mummy and I singing "sing a song of six pence a pocket full of rhye, 4 & 20 black birds made in a pie.." with Bernie. I remember she had my number on her wall. But her brother must've painted it all away. He said that her spirit stays too strongly. I wish her cats long life... Atleast don't fall into cracks like your master. I cried so hard at her wake, I miss her so much though I only know her this much.

Bernie, you're the firefly. The glow, the hope, the light.
You too, Pickle!

In loving memory of Pickle(who passed away 1 day after my 14th birthday), Bernie and my Kung-Ta(who passed away 16 days after my birthday).
Avril