I don't wanna be!!! argh!

Yesterday was a day to call Fully Filled with Food, good food! B'fast from Food for Thot done by Paul and Dotti in Plaza Damas, Sri Hartamas... Same goes to my lunch! B'fast was corn beef salad. *oohlala* Mummy was tempted, obviously not my jie... And I had the red juicy mmMMmmy fresh tomatoes which I don't normally eat! Then for lunch I was walking roudn the whole plaza with jie looking for food... She ended up with nasi briyani... =.= Not what I looked forward to..and was actually pissed off with her ade... Then went back to Paul's place... Tuna and cheese pasta... *oohlala* It was nice though there were some spices in it I didn't like... Prefered the salad. While lazing around till 4-6pm, I truly felt like snacking... Damn! Went to the convienent store with jie... I bout chachaos[is that how it's spelt? haha!] Then jie bout some groundnuts[healthier konon.. wtv la..]. We went back o the salon... munch outside... Mummy came and *whoa* at us... then went in again... Then the others came out too as there were no clients inside. Devi took 1 one of my chachaos... Then this greedy pig me finished up the whole pack! hahaha! Now you know how I eat! After finishing.. I folded the pack. Abt to throw it away. I stared at the back of the pack again. "baik sebelum:22 06 05" Owh toot!!! Ahahahaha! Never be too greedy kay... But thank gawd till today, nth's happened to me yet. Then for dinner, after mummy closed the shutters and all, we walked to Sure Pizza and of course you know what we had...-pizza! Well,mummy had carbonara,jie had pesto, I had the smoked chicken salad. Then we ordered the "sure pizza" itself. Didn't make me *wow* actually. It had green pepper, olive, and big big onions... Well the salad was satisfying enough. =) Sent jie back. Then we came home.

Today, woke up at abt 10am. Daddy called me at abt 10.30am. "you wanna go to muar and pick nai nai and yeh yeh up?" "Owh, okla... can..." Then I had my quick breakfast.. and changed... p.s: I have tuition at 5pm. So, we left the hse at abt 11.30am. Reached Muar at abt 2pm? Then without delay, drove back up to KL. I slept on the way back for awhile though. Then at 4.30pm we reached home. Had instant noodles cos I had no lunch, then rushed to tuition. 5.05pm enter-ed class. *cis, teacher not yet come!* Then class went on as usual. Laughing bout nuts with Gobi and Ben. Gobi made me flatter today! *gee.. malu..* But he did bring me up to a higher, more positive thinking and feeling about myself. Thanks Gobi! Was supposed to accompany him for dinner. Well, not supposed to, but wanted to. But too bad, daddy was picking me up. Sorry Gobi... poor boy had dinner alone... Then I went home and took my shower then had my dinner without daddy. Poor daddy too, he was tired till he couldn't eat. Then later on, got dressed a lil pleasantly, not filled with bright and happy colours... Went to some funeral parlour near the old airport.. Called, Kwang Tong Parlour/Association? My grandma's close friend[more like it] had passed away. Well, close to my mum's side of the family.

Now, as I was on the journey to Muar with daddy... Certain thoughts filled my mind. Death, comes and goes so easily sometimes. And those who deserve longer life doesn't live it. and vice versa. Sometimes it's unfair. But I guess it's God's creation. Everything happens for a reason by God I'm sure. Grandma and Grandpa's friends are *leaving*, that may show that it might be time for my gramps too. Grandpa doesn't have many friends his age nemore living like him. Well, not to say excellent health, but better than any other ppl among his age. And then I wonder, how come when they get older, they get more like a child. More demanding, more stubborn... Or is it me, growing up, noticing more about the surroundings? Sometimes when parents say "I know! I was young before!" then why can't they understand our needs sometimes?

*change of topic*I have a big doubt in my mind, which i dont think anyone would understand. Probably say "why not take the chance?" "opportunities like this doesn't come twice." or like daddy said "give it a second thought". But I dont like it! I don't see myself going THAT far. I just wanna be what I was. Like Gavin Degraw's words - I dont wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. I know the opportunity is very very rare, but I dont wanna take the opportunity! I might have the potential, but there are so many other ppl who have potential but don't wanna get involved too, right? Like said, it's the effort and the heart that matters. -If you don't put your heart in it but wanna give it a try, you'll never get there. I truly understand the statement,and that's why I'm doing this. Rejecting it. But.. sigh... You said I can pull myself out of it if I don't wanna continue, but now you ask me to give it a second thought? Daddy I don't wanna! Indeed I'm afraid to disappoint both my parents and jie abt it, but if I go on forcing myself, what's the point? Eventually it'll come down to the same thing. If only mummy and daddy can read this post. If I stay what I am, knowing I can't go far, that's what I actually seek. I don't wanna compete neither win. I just wanna be fitter than now.

[Maybe readers are kinda blur but kinda get it too.. sorry.. Just had to let it out. Had no other outlets.] I don't know how to tell my parents! I really don't look forward to my so called special tuesdays and sundays. Maybe I'm not up to standard yet so that's why I don't like it, but no- I don't wanna leave where I belong either! I can't compromise! I can't bare to for-go so many things! I infact dont plan to! It would be good for me, but please remember that you said you won't force me if I don't want to. I hope I can not take the second thought idea and go on with what I wanted. A plain and normal life. I don't look forward to Sunday! I need a break! Sick of the "advices" and naggings from my jie though she loves me...

I need to sleep now. Had enough for today. Btw, my comp is in the state of coma in the ICU ward. Please pray the doctor comes as soon as possible. Cause i think the doctor is busy and forgot about this goddamn patient. I'm currently using my jie's laptop. So my absence may be the cause of this poor comp. I would be in the hospital all day. haha! -shyt talk- Saying this here, not that anybody reads this blogsite neway... hahaha...! I'm the only reader. Hey, but it's cool kay... A site, all for myself. yea wtv...