pathetic holidays are on.

I have wondered why.
I have asked why.
But I still don't know why.
And I never will know why.

I have told.
I have gave.
I have sent.
I have called.
I have loved.
I have teared.

I have been through the past,
It truly scares me.
To take the risk again,
The past haunts me.
And then I cry.
And then I bite.

I have thought how good it would be if it were 'us'. We don't live too far from each other which makes meeting up so easy. I've wondered away alone, about us walking our dogs together in our area. I've always thought you might be the sweetest darling to surprise me at my door. I've always thought bout being in your arms feeling loved. Always wanted to have you pick me up and we could go for prom together. I have thought it would be so beautiful to remember. Right now, I guess I could even imagine you in the cockpit and I in the cabin, us on the same flight to New York..? We could've gone far together, but I choose to let these dreams collapse. Whether you feel this way or that, Iam to blame. Cause I have loved.

I am not..-okay I am soon turning to the half-dead person I was early this year. But all I just wish that happens is, I happen to be thinking of you again, like the other times, and then this trailer runs into me screeching on it's brakes cause the stupid girl crossed the road without looking out. But she doesn't die. She's in the hospital, waiting to see who comes. I need it very much.

I have many times almost got rammed into by a vehicle, like coming down from the bus and crossing the road to my house, a motorcycle was about 8metres away. Like crossing the road at peak hours after school, standing between 2 moving cars[sorta]. I was gonna catch a bus[which wasn't even my bus] and crossed the road without looking and the Toyota Unser had the look of a giant bull-mastif honking at me and I mouthed "sorry!".

Stupid times.
Critical times.
I'm still blogging here anyway.
But who knows what comes tomorrow.