favouritisme, comes popularity contest.

this goes out to bitches. well literally bitches, not that they have to be girls.

morning started with a smile. a big one. exams' results, let's just drop that outta this post today.

A girl, who I once was so very close to at the end of year 2004. I told her all sorta stories. She did too. When we were on *project, she was sorta out of the gang just like I was. So we tagged along together a lot. She cheered for me during my run, she was the shoulder I had when my ass got cramped after the run. We walked back to the house we stayed in with the other 30ppl together every evening, sing songs together, even if we never knew the next line, the songs repeated just the way we wanted it to. Belaian Jiwa, Keliru, Milkshake.

Year 2005 started and I'd only see her when she comes to school in the morning or Saturdays. She started tagging along with those she used to discriminate. She left me alone, like I was at first. But I thought it would be just fine. Didnt move me too much.

Today she stepped in my class, asked to see the girl sitting right in front of me, but she was looking into me. That girl went out. Paid for the teachers' present. Enough with the indirect-ness. My friend was called to pay for athletic club's teacher's day fund, as in to buy the present for 3 teachers. I obviously didnt wish to pay 4fucks, i mean, bucks.. but I don't fucking get it. I was in athletics for a year and 2months, went to cameron highlands training twice. I injured my leg the first time I went. Second time I injured 2 sohai toes. I had to quit athletics this year, in January because I couldn't cope with my schedule. Therefore, I have never competed at district level and obviously nothing higher. and just because I have never fucking got myself included doesn't not mean I wasn't one of them. I made an effort to rush home and get my arse to the stadium, cheer for them. I don't need the sympathy cause I skipped my lunch just to get there and be a support, but it's because I was among them and have always wished I went a lil further.

Right now, I think back, I think I was only there at the stadium to watch them become popular, be known, feel proud, collect glory. and which fucker has ever thanked me for support? It's okay. It'll all fall back on you. They leave me out in this present shyt. They even made a card for Sir, using pictures they took in camerons. I meant, the group photo they took last year, that I wasn't in because I went home after 5 dumb days cause my toes are sohais but I still love them. They said I would have my turn to write my msg in there, next to my photo. What?-photo of the grass? Thanks, mates! fuck you.

Another club I'm in, in school, has chosen greater people and left me out to be running the telematch. I swear if it was the headguy in that club that selected the people, he's gonna get cursed down the drain. I'm yet to know. or maybe not. Why should I even fuck my day up because of these idiots? Yea, you were about to calm me down saying that. -Because I don't feel belong!

I asked a friend today why? Like what the hell is this mann? "Favouritisme, my friend..." and it totally striked me. I guess we'd do nuts or even fruits and nuts but you get shyt. Just because you don't win, you don't participate, then you're alone in the dark! After my break, I went up to class, but knowing that I obviously wouldn't be able to talk to anyone abt it at that moment, I went to look for someone who I thought I could talk to. I went down my class' stairs, up to her class to find she's not there. I went and followed a friend who was going to where she was too. I talked a lil to her about it. But I guess she was busy. She went to play around with another friend of hers. When STS came, he just looked through me. Wait, he didnt even look my way! Well I kinda got sick of being un-belonged anywhere. I told her I had to go, so I walked off. I don't know what noise was behind me, I never wanted to turn back.

Oh let me fit it in, before my break today, I was talking a whole lotta fun crap with my friends at the back of class, and 1 of then jokingly went."eh..shutup lar..." like.. enough lar... then this person next to me, said in a very angry tone, "YEALA! SHUT UP LA!!!!" There was a difference to that. And it hurt me a lot. And he said he got higher marks than me in mod maths... like.. "haha! I got higher!! haha!" If we both had 99 and 98 it wouldnt be something I'd post up here. But I just passed, and he had to do that. Well, right back at your face, your paper 2 had brought your marks down, lower than mine!

I just needed a shoulder to lie on, all it takes to ease my aching heart. Or atleast tell me you feel the same, or don't leave me hanging, tell me.

I just had a conversation with my friend via msn, bout STS, saying I feel so damn rejected. Then my friend had to go.. he told me to take care. I said
"I hope I don't die too soon. Pray that I live, if you think I should."
"I will pray for you tonite la.. God will help you, don't worry. cos He up there better or I'llgo up and screw his ass like constatine."

If only there were more of such protective friends, who'd remember you in their prayers. Well, STS had made me tear in class today. Don't ask me what he did, it's what he didn't do. and because of that I'm telling myself to step out, and make the better choice before I regret my spm year without even putting effort in studies, just wondering how to create cute lovely and sweet messages to take his heart away. -which also brings me to nothing but failures la.

*when favouritisme decides, then comes the popularity contest.*
*if you're popular, you're one of them. If you're unknown, you're shyt.*

*project - camerons training.
*STS - sexy two shoes
Sorry bout all the vulgar words above, I'm just angry with my society I live in.