Define love and I'll tell you my defination.

I wanted to fill today with much more-worth-my-time chores, but I stumbled across these wonderful memories, or maybe just pictures.[some pictures are a lil shaky, cause I snapped it with a camera. My scanner's in Hewlett Packard Hospital.

My 7th Birthday Cake

My 11th Birthday PartyMy 11th Birthday present.

My 12th Birthday Party

Not my birthday but my family-friend from France, Geoffrey's. That's Melissa, Ben, Joanne, Sean, me, Geoffrey, cousin Chiang, and cousin Charlene .

Incase any of you never knew bout Ben and I, we've known each other since we were 5 years old. And I used to be crazy over him but he didn't give a shyt about me. This picture above, he scolded me "why you take my picture?!?!" when he saw me snapping it. Geez, was I sad or what.

Looks like Zenne and I haven't stopped being good friends since then. *hugs*

Channin, me and Kien Beng. They were my pet brother and pet sister. So loving. And I don't know where are they anymore. =S

Para para sakura dancers, and Choral Speaking team[just before our competition].


You wish to be a kid again? These kids do!
And I was the teacher snapping this picture.

ChuChian and Xue Rou, they've been best buddies for so long. Way to go, girls! Uh, is Chu Chian always that blur? hehees.Tatie's always breaking the rules, excuse her.
me, Max, Arvin, Ben, Tatie. They sorta helped me get through my form2 days, especially Tatie. Love ya'll.

I hereby present you, my family[mum's side]
Spot me?? =)

My first bicycle race. Don't laugh. =.=

These are what I call 'lost' now:
School dinner at the end of the year.

Westlife Concert.

Sports Day 2003

school trip to Perak in 2003

That's really enough for pictures and memories.
Here's what happened today. I saved this as a notepad file cause I was having problems with Blogger and couldn't blog.

**
so fucking irritating!!! I hate her! I hate her existence! I want kakak back! I wanna runaway! I don't wanna live with a life-time irritant! I'll die like this! She's so fucking stupid, she would even answer a sarcastic question that wasnt meant to be answered! She stinks! She laughs at anything even if it's not funny. She fills up a bowl of hot soup till the fullest.-ever wonder how to get it to the dining table? No. Monkey jumps onto her shoulder, she wanted to walk off, but
didn't dare to cause she was afraid it'll choke the monkey. Then she yells out for me to get the monkey a banana to distract it. See what stupid ways she thinks of teaching the monkey? She could've just walk off slowly and Sandra would've jumped off, but she didn't. She kept yelling for me. The more she yelled, the more angry Sandra got. So the monkey scratched her face badly. Then only she ran off. And that also after I shouted at her. Now she has scratches on her face. She must've provoked the monkey at times or else the monkey wouldn't have that funny feeling seeing her around. Right now, I'm not eating dinner, I'm waiting for mummy to come back, then I'll eat dinner. Who wants to have meals with such irritating idiots?! I'm fucking fucking pissed!!! My cousin tells me "nevermind la..." and I said "nevermind to you, but I live with her!! " and yes I cried as I stomped off to the kitchen and replaced the rice into the cooker, and left.
*argh!!!!!!!!!!!!*

8.30pm
**

and here's a bulletin I posted yesterday, in Friendster. This goes out to my family!

Have you ever thought you were in love?
x_ahahahaha!!!

Were you really?
x_I wish I wasn't. But I'm done with it.

Are you currently in love?
x_ Yes yes yes!

If so, tell me about him?
x_His names is Jamie Oliver, he looks like Duncan
James, he cooks better than my daddy, I think, and
I'm gonna marry him!

If not, what personality traits would someone have
to have for you to love them?
x_Whatever Jamie oliver has! ahaha! Nahh, err.. love
me with all your heart, never keep me waiting, know
how I'd feel in most situations, doesn't eat aloud,
doesn't pick his nose in front of anybody but the
mirror, has clean toes, knows what to do with his body
odour[if he has], don't boast, love his family and mine
[if he plans to marry me la?],he MUST cook, and
ofcourse, he's gotta love me!

Is love both amazing and horrible at the same
time?
x_it doesn't happen the same time. If you're clapping
with one hand, then it's horrible, but if you have each
other, wonders happen!

Is love something you haven’t experienced?
x_ I've experienced love, the day my mum gave with to
me, and when I first met my loving family.

Are you looking for love?
x_I guess if I have my family,I have love. Love from
friends only creates friendship. But I have my family.

What is your definition of love?
x_when mummy gave birth to me, when daddy held
me in his arms for the first time, when jie wanted to
carry me so much since she knows how to carry her
baby dolls, when my grandparents loved to bring me
back to muar, and when I cry there because I miss
mummy and daddy, everytime kakak departs from the
airport I cry cause I missed her, when I cried
because Pickle had to be put down to sleep, when we
made a choice to give Pickle the jab just so she
wouldn't suffer, whenever mummy and daddy scolds
me or jie, when you care for that someone and you
know you can never stop loving 'em. That's all love.

Was it difficult for you to come up with that
definition?
x_no.

Do you believe in the quote “love comes when you
least expect it to?"
x_Maybe?

Do love related movies (like The Notebook) make
you cry?
x_ maybe

Have you ever wished on a star for love?
x_ no.

Would you do anything for love?
x_if loves means family then yes.

Does the topic “love” make you uncomfortable?
x_not at all.

As for now, I think tomorrow's gonna be a very good day to come, though my plans to make scones for b'fast is being ruined. Neway, goodnight dudes and dudettes[is there such?lol].

p/s: I started this post since about 5-6pm. Look what time this post ends?! Sigh.

After months, I finally went out with ONE friend... and a cousin, and felt great! It was a lil tight between the two of them, because one's just shy, the other's a lil of an anti-social, but ice skating was good stuff! I had thought I'd be in big trouble having to help 2 ppl who didn't know how to skate. Melanie told me she skates on roller blades, not ice skates. I was a lil more relieved. But my cousin is a big time I-can-I-can-but-I-actually-dont-know-how-to-skate.

Owh well, I brought my 12 year old cousin to Sushi King for lunch, and met Melanie there. We headed right to the skating ring after that. Woohooo!!! =D And got our tickets quick, tied our laces, got our lockers, and SKATE!!! I was a bit scared at first too, like the both of them cause it's been awhile since I skate. I sorta warmed myself up with the crowd, the ice, the water, and I was good to go. Melanie, to my surprise, she did absolutely fine! Well, she did *plop* to the ice twice, thanks to some guy. But as far as I remember, there was a guy who wanted to help her up the first time she fell[which she claimed he did not though], he and his friend were kinda cute... =P Melanie, I was watching them the whole time. *beams*
As for my cousin, he didnt skate one bit. And that's because he was walking on ice, with skates. Seriously, and killed the fun cause he ended up with blisters. After Melanie said she had to go, and my cousin having blisters, it was left me. So ofcourse I didn't wanna go alone? Where'd the fun be?! We walked around that boring place a bit, I bought someone a present in advance, Melanie wanted to see some stuffs but never bought nething, my cousin only bought himself his carbonated drink. =.=

And after that, I was totally broke. Wait, not after that, but after returning my cousin's money, I was TOTALLY broke! Came home in a cab. Startedtaking pictures with my cousin like mad. Since my camera had some problems with its screen, it takes weird ghost-like pictures sometimes, which added to the laughter of crazy people.

I was going to post up pictures of the fun we had, but blogger apologizes for the inconviniences because they cannot complete my request of posting pictures at the moe.

Anyway, I did a big big big thing last night! I know it's not easy for you to accept it. I didn't want to send it too, but neither did I want to keep you waiting wanting to know why was I hitting so hard on you. Sorry. And I mean that now. Someone told me to give THE book to you as soon as I should, so that I'll let go of it ALL. But my problem is, I don't think I would be able to face you anymore after I give it to you. Well ofcourse once we reach 30 I'll be laughing about this and rolling around on the floor la. But 30's not too soon yet. Take care.

All nessecary things done on 6th of June 2006[666]. I made Melanie's day, my cousin's day too, I bought a present for my best friend's birthday in advance. But I also spent a lil too much. hehees. And I finally let you know how I felt all these while. Thanks for listening.

Listening to: Sorry for the stupid things - Babyface.
Feeling : Dirty. I didn't shower after running in the rain today. I slept. =)

Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong
Sometimes a man
Is gon' be a man
He don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So boy, I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do

vrillie

This video, is very cute. Let the video load all the way before you watch. So click "pause" before it plays and spoils the suspense. And since this song in my blogspot isn't able to be stopped, but it will play once only. So wait till the song's finished, then watch the video.




How'd you like it? Beautiful? =) I like it. Urgh!

Well after today, I'll prolly change my song again. I know it's annoying to some readers who have their own music playing in their WMP, but it's my blog. My bisexual told me bout 06/06/06. Scary but hard to believe.

I made lasagna for dinner and I really didnt feel like eating. I hate it when things don't turn out right and ppl make even more fun about it. It doesn't make me feel any better, I feel worse and even more stupid than what I already am! Even more useless!

Neway, I wanna go out on Tuesday. Anybody?

when the dagger stabs into your feelings.

okay, Firstly, go to hell!
secondly, please go to hell!
third, go to hell mann! Why are you still here?!
fourth, you came back from hell? Go, and don't come back!

It felt so much like a reply. Just to tell me it has been "someone" all this while. It didn't come all of a sudden. Hmmm? Right? and it was meant to get me back right in the face huh? Maybe, could be, but I have to say you're cruel. You're an imposter! You're just fake! What do I get by caring for you? shyt. Tell me, it's true right? Then you'd probably say you didn't even know if I was in love with you, cause I never told you. And then "I'm nobody to lead anybody's life anywhere." So it's nobody's but my bloody own fault! Right? You're the owh-so-perfect guy that every girl wants! Sorry, but I don't want you anymore. After what you've done, I don't think I'd even wanna remember you!

But you know what's pathetic? To me, in my own memory, so many sweet things have happened between us and how can I erase that? There were too many to erase! Just like the msgs from you that I keep. It's all stupid. By the end of this year, just before we can never meet again, cause you are actually with the populars, don't be surprise to get a book from me. I promise, it will get in your hands. A book written in a mess, about you and I. As for now, leave. Populars are cool, go join them. I just belong here, alone. All alone.

*if you ever feel rejected*
*if you even feel alone*
*if you ever feel ignored*
*if you ever feel you don't belong*
There's nothing you can do. Just ache.

the girl who creates fiasco.

Taylor's College of Hospitality and Tourism.




Pictures make you think I'm happy. Nahh, I just forgot to upload those pictures last night. I'm not feeling like I'm on the go right now. I can't go watch STS tomorrow, not because nobody wants or nobody can go along with me, but because it's a freaggin' holiday! My dad's going biking, but I've gotta help mum at the salon, for 1 customer. Maybe everyone's desperate for money/business at times like this, but c'mon! Respect the King! Or if it's not nessecary to make it a public holiday, don't! Let the salon be open, everybody works, everybody who wants to get their hair done at mummy's gets it done, and I can go and watch.

This is what loves does to yourself! It makes you go boinkers! Go nuts! I wasn't even planning to do anything bad! I didn't even plan to talk to him even if I saw him I wanted to go in a disguise, that is, if I was going alone. Sounds SO stupid, but yea, I was going to do that. Disguise not as in put on a wig or stick a beard on my chin. Just covered. And after it's done, I'll just come home! Or take the LRT and walk my ass off to my mum's place! Why?!God? Why?!?!?! I just needed that bit of freedom! And I really love him. Whatever budak Indon and stuffs are just temporary! I really felt it coming my way.

Some say I haven't actually expressed my feelings. Some say I should just forget him! I have gave him my most memorable valentine's gift, with a card saying telling him. I gave him a daisy, on teacher's day[yea that was stupid.]. We talked on the phone and he was so cool about it. "Yea, even my mum knows la!" And he told his classmate, which is quite a close friend of mine, "I don't believe in relationships anymore la..", and ofcourse she told me. I have sent messages telling him he's special, and he has a special place in my heart. I dare say he knows, but makes as if he doesn't know. Sweetie, if you're really doing that, you're so stupid. Cause you're making me hate you.

Same goes to the ol' flame, my friend. I know that you knew. You just wanted me to say it out huh? Don't deny it now, cause you've told me what I should do to get this current guy. That's why it was great, you tell me after I've forgot about you, after you've made me one of the biggest dumbest fool ever! And the next thing I knew, you had someone! I don't feel thanked for anything I've done. I might have not done much, but every bit mattered. If you say actions speak louder than words,you're so right. Wait, no.. your friend who made me want to cancel the party was right. I'm no bestie! I'm shyt! Well thank you for making me wiser.

And to the guy I've been crazy over since December[to be truthful], if you ever read this... If what you're doing is "acting blur" you've made a very wrong step. Well, maybe I'm not that worth as a friend, neither a person you'd fall for, but I think more than twice bout every step you do now. You knew I wanted to go out with just you, you knew! I said it myself to you too! "I'm sorry I've been having bad days and I was just thinking of letting them go, by spending some time with someone special like you". And you said to me "so who else is going??" and that felt like your words had stabbed my heart. Being the person I am, I told you "I don't know". And then later on I sms-ed you saying that I had only wanted to go out with you, and not others. But I guess being typical Malaysians, it's very odd to go out with just 1 friend of the opposite gender. Or just like what my classmate shared with me the other day, typical malaysian/asian guys wouldn't date a girl for the first time without having another group of friends along. But european guys would just talk up the girl, go on a first-date with her and only her. I'm not saying all malaysian/asian or european guys are like that, but the typical ones. Or even if let's say I go out somewhere with Michael, or Ti Ming, just us, people see us and think otherwise and start teasing. Maybe that's what Malaysian/Asian guys are afraid of. Shallow.

This post is pretty messy and emotional. But this is just what I am. I'm hurting again, and that's when my eczema arises again. Thank you to all those who have contributed to my suicidal, emotional, sensitive feelings. I hate being what I am. I don't think any of you know what it feels like being rejected silently, but deadly? STS said I'm a pity, cause I don't have friends. And that's almost true, but he didn't have to hit me like that. I have true friends, and he automatically added himself in, just that we're all not close face to face. And that's why no one is able to accompany me to watch STS tomorrow. But I've got to go help my mum in the salon anyway, just because of a great local movie director. Can't you just wait for 2 days!? *rolls eyes*

this world, is sick! or maybe it's just me. So let me go. I'm emotional and sentimental, every person I've felt for,or who has torn my feelings badly, I'll remember you till the day I die. You're not worth the memory space in my mind, so if you shoot me dead by whenever you do, that's till when I remember you.
Do it, if you don't want a FUGLY girl that you silently rejected remembering you. I dare you. I dare you say a word about it to me. and prove me wrong.

Love strucked by budak Indon.

Date:1st June 2006

Find out if I'm a good friend!

Have you ever stepped into a hotel's kitchen? The ones with every kitchen top being stainless steel? The one with AIR-COND! ? Kitchens where all the chefs and juniors chefs wear their complete uniform? Well I have before this, but today's kitchen is WAYYYY different. Funny how I didn't feel my heart throbbing. I felt a lil shrunk, but it was good experience!

Gosh I don't know where to start! Well, I joined this Taylor's College Life In One Day[CLIOD] program which was held today, at Taylor's itself. Daddy sent me there, hung around till more people came. Then he left, and I was alone. Well, alone only because I didn't know the people there la. We were given "goodie bags", which contained a DoctorJob magazine on Hospitality, a personal organizer with calculator, and a t-shirt from Taylor's.

owh owh! Before I go too far, before daddy and I approached Taylor's College, we had to pass by a condo. and just outside of the guard house, we saw a few ladies sitting around smoking cigs and being all flirty. As we approached nearer, *gaaaa!!!*" They're men! with large adam's appleS! Lol!!!

Back to where I was, I was put in the kitchen, with 4 other students, while 4 more students were put in the restaurant. We had a mission! Well,sorta. We were supposed to help the students prepare lunch for outsiders[students or VIPs]. Well, we were all briefed through by Chef Chong, then I followed my 2 "buddies" to their stations. started off by peeling the carrots,then the sweet potatoes. Then it went on with cutting and stuffs. We had our breaks at11am[it started at about 9am]. Well, the eating part, there weren't much. The food was BAD,like fried noodles with black sauce. Anyway, I didn't go there to eat!

Well, my buddy is from Indonesia and speaks English quite surprisingly fluently. She started talking to another guy who was in-charged for restaurant service today in Indonesian language[he's from restaurant service, but my buddy and I were from the kitchen. They're taking the same course, but they do their lunch services alternately.]. Her guy friend, who I thought was local, is so GOOD LOOKING!!! =) I found out much earlier that she, her name's Catherine[or Katherine?]is of the same age as I am! She took her o-levels and didnt have to go through the shyt I'm going through now. Then she told me that her guy friend is also of the same age as us! I got a silent shock in myself. And *hmm... he's not too old. By next year, he's my senior, I can still see him right? owh! so hot!* LOL!!!I'M SERIOUS! No joke, he's soooo hot! but he's now VERY tall. Him in the waiters' uniform with the vest, the apron.. *shivers* *blushes* ahahahaha!!! and he said.."hah! I pass my spm earlier!" The students were friendly, well, some not very. But overall, okay.

After our break, we went back to the kitchen, and clean the beef/remove the fats. Tie it up using a butchery string. Well, I won't tell you everything in detail. I'm sleepy. Anyway, they cooked the beef in the oven, with the carrots and sweet potatoes which were already half boiled earlier. When the guests arrived, that was the bussiest moment. When you get an order, you prepare, you send to the pick-up, then the restaurant students go serve. It was pretty much a tiring day, but truly beneficial!

My only regret is that I didn't take any of my buddys' contacts, and worse still, I don't even know the hot Indon guy's NAME!=( Big big regrets! No picture somor! His face is fading of my memory bit by bit! I had a camera in my bag. I should've gone back to the kitchen and snap some photos with them! you see,this is what I hate about myself! When everything isn't able to be undone, I get all the ideas and thoughts bout what I should've done. It's irritating ya' know? *URGH* I wanna meet the Mr Indon again! He's so fun. and cute.!!!

I told you all the nice things[and maybe some not..]but I haven't told you something. Did I mention Chef Chong earlier? Well, whether I did or not, he's the teacher there. By first impression,he turned me off. He reminds me of my school's counselling teacher, Puan Lin. =.=" He had a pimply pimply face! Maybe he wasn't meant to be in the kitchen, cause it might have affected his complexion. He wasn't fluent when speaking English and then I thought 'die lor..'. But I still gave a chance. The word I remember him saying the most that cracks me up, vegetable. vre-ge-rable. LOL. My mum almost spit-spray out her drink when I pronounced it at dinner. There was another teacher/chef there too, but he was teaching students from Culinary Arts course. What I was under, was Hospitality Management[food service, kitchen, room service,accounting..and more..]. That teacher, looked like John Lim from 5BR. Talked the same way, mann, I can't imagine John in a chef's uniform. ahahaha!

Well, I'd prefer to take up Culinary Arts which would be concentrated on cooking and presenting the food with quality and.. and... and whatever la. When I learn next year, I'll tell you kay! Ofcourse there are other teorical studies in Culinary Arts too, but not the same as Hotel Management. I wanna cook, I don't wanna *knock knock, ma'am, room service!* -no. So, to get a scholarship, I guess I gotta work my ass out studying soon enough.

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=( I wanna get to know the Indonesian guy!!! I will join Taylors, even if I'm in Culinary Arts, I can still see him! Well,I'm not pursuing college just for the guy, it's just inspiration, okay?! Yor, somebody atleast give me his name la?! I don't wanna call him budak Indon! Moga-moga kita jumpa lagi ya? *sobs*

vrillie's done.

me.

You Are 49% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence. Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

*********************************

Your Stress Level is: 59%

You are somewhat prone to stress, especially when life gets hard. When things are good, you resist stressing over little problems. But when things are difficult, you tend to freak out and find it hard to calm down.

How Stressed Are You?

**********************************

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

**********************************

People Envy Your Generosity

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. And they'd do anything for you! People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

What Do People Envy About You?

**********************************

Your True Love Is a Sagittarius

Why you'll love a Sagittarius: Deep and philosophical, you'll love getting lost in hours of conversation with your Sag. Your Sagittarius is curious and adventurous enough to keep you interested... not an easy task! Why a Sagittarius will love you: You're passionate about a few important issues, a kind of depth that Sagittarius finds very attractive. You're outgoing, flexible, and up for almost anything. You and your Sag will have tons of adventures together.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

He's not a sagi...

***********************************

You Should Weigh 141

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight. If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

I weight less than that. Dammit!

**********************************

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

True.