the girl who creates fiasco.

Taylor's College of Hospitality and Tourism.




Pictures make you think I'm happy. Nahh, I just forgot to upload those pictures last night. I'm not feeling like I'm on the go right now. I can't go watch STS tomorrow, not because nobody wants or nobody can go along with me, but because it's a freaggin' holiday! My dad's going biking, but I've gotta help mum at the salon, for 1 customer. Maybe everyone's desperate for money/business at times like this, but c'mon! Respect the King! Or if it's not nessecary to make it a public holiday, don't! Let the salon be open, everybody works, everybody who wants to get their hair done at mummy's gets it done, and I can go and watch.

This is what loves does to yourself! It makes you go boinkers! Go nuts! I wasn't even planning to do anything bad! I didn't even plan to talk to him even if I saw him I wanted to go in a disguise, that is, if I was going alone. Sounds SO stupid, but yea, I was going to do that. Disguise not as in put on a wig or stick a beard on my chin. Just covered. And after it's done, I'll just come home! Or take the LRT and walk my ass off to my mum's place! Why?!God? Why?!?!?! I just needed that bit of freedom! And I really love him. Whatever budak Indon and stuffs are just temporary! I really felt it coming my way.

Some say I haven't actually expressed my feelings. Some say I should just forget him! I have gave him my most memorable valentine's gift, with a card saying telling him. I gave him a daisy, on teacher's day[yea that was stupid.]. We talked on the phone and he was so cool about it. "Yea, even my mum knows la!" And he told his classmate, which is quite a close friend of mine, "I don't believe in relationships anymore la..", and ofcourse she told me. I have sent messages telling him he's special, and he has a special place in my heart. I dare say he knows, but makes as if he doesn't know. Sweetie, if you're really doing that, you're so stupid. Cause you're making me hate you.

Same goes to the ol' flame, my friend. I know that you knew. You just wanted me to say it out huh? Don't deny it now, cause you've told me what I should do to get this current guy. That's why it was great, you tell me after I've forgot about you, after you've made me one of the biggest dumbest fool ever! And the next thing I knew, you had someone! I don't feel thanked for anything I've done. I might have not done much, but every bit mattered. If you say actions speak louder than words,you're so right. Wait, no.. your friend who made me want to cancel the party was right. I'm no bestie! I'm shyt! Well thank you for making me wiser.

And to the guy I've been crazy over since December[to be truthful], if you ever read this... If what you're doing is "acting blur" you've made a very wrong step. Well, maybe I'm not that worth as a friend, neither a person you'd fall for, but I think more than twice bout every step you do now. You knew I wanted to go out with just you, you knew! I said it myself to you too! "I'm sorry I've been having bad days and I was just thinking of letting them go, by spending some time with someone special like you". And you said to me "so who else is going??" and that felt like your words had stabbed my heart. Being the person I am, I told you "I don't know". And then later on I sms-ed you saying that I had only wanted to go out with you, and not others. But I guess being typical Malaysians, it's very odd to go out with just 1 friend of the opposite gender. Or just like what my classmate shared with me the other day, typical malaysian/asian guys wouldn't date a girl for the first time without having another group of friends along. But european guys would just talk up the girl, go on a first-date with her and only her. I'm not saying all malaysian/asian or european guys are like that, but the typical ones. Or even if let's say I go out somewhere with Michael, or Ti Ming, just us, people see us and think otherwise and start teasing. Maybe that's what Malaysian/Asian guys are afraid of. Shallow.

This post is pretty messy and emotional. But this is just what I am. I'm hurting again, and that's when my eczema arises again. Thank you to all those who have contributed to my suicidal, emotional, sensitive feelings. I hate being what I am. I don't think any of you know what it feels like being rejected silently, but deadly? STS said I'm a pity, cause I don't have friends. And that's almost true, but he didn't have to hit me like that. I have true friends, and he automatically added himself in, just that we're all not close face to face. And that's why no one is able to accompany me to watch STS tomorrow. But I've got to go help my mum in the salon anyway, just because of a great local movie director. Can't you just wait for 2 days!? *rolls eyes*

this world, is sick! or maybe it's just me. So let me go. I'm emotional and sentimental, every person I've felt for,or who has torn my feelings badly, I'll remember you till the day I die. You're not worth the memory space in my mind, so if you shoot me dead by whenever you do, that's till when I remember you.
Do it, if you don't want a FUGLY girl that you silently rejected remembering you. I dare you. I dare you say a word about it to me. and prove me wrong.