Being alive.

It's been more than a month and a half since I was employed and getting money from another source other than my parents. It has been pretty bad.

I had a friend but a friend shouldn't be bugged because no matter how great your friend is, he/she has their own issues. The only way to re-pay them is to listen to their advice, and be a help if needed. The part about listening to their advice is the most helpful.

I had a sister's ear too. But she's a sister. They're family and their words don't get too far into your head before they drop out of the your other ear. It's not that we do not want to eliminate their words of advice, but it's just like words from parents. Sometimes we just need an outsider to get it in our faces. With family, we tend to bend and we'll never get it.

And after all that doom, I don't know when it hit me. I just started my engines again. I found myself a part-time job, almost started classes with Alliance Francaise (but I just called them up 2 hours ago to say I'm not joining them. Explain later.), found myself yet another 3 day part-time job for this weekend, and I'm going for netball after this at 5.30pm.

The first part time job will take up my weekends but only until 6pm. I don't expect to be able to go shopping and partying when I've no money coming in. They don't pay the best, and it's not my favourite work of interest. But heck I'm 20. That's 60 years to 80, 20 years to 40, 10 years to 30... Time flies, but I'm cruising this life. I need to do things before I can't anymore. And staying at home, sitting in front of the laptop looking for the best jobs ain't doing anything! I'll be working in the National Science Centre for the Da Vinci Exhibition. I know nuts about him. But I'd rather start learning a little more about him than having my nose 2 feet from my pillows everyday.

My second job, it's 3 days only. Infact, I start tomorrow. I've to apologize to the person incharged of my job in the NSC, but I'm part-time based, and this pasta cooking job is paying even more! I have a thing for cooking pasta. I know it's a little down-grading to be a pasta promoter, giving out pasta samples. But I'm getting paid and I love to cook pasta! Look for me in Jaya One Cold Storage tomorrow, 12pm-8pm. Then again, I'm sorry but I won't be cooking the whole pot for you!

I will one day, someday soon, have a eat-in for my friends.. I'll cook pasta and pasta and pasta.. Okay, maybe quiches too..

Alliance Francaise. I went to enquire about French classes there. I'll not talk about how I had to go from Bangsar to Lorong Gurney. On that day, the lady said I have less than 24 hours till the placement test. I went to my friend's place to study because I felt held up at home. I reached Lorong Gurney 2 hours early. Did my test, felt okay about it. I was told to wait for the results via email, being sent by the weekend(it was a Thursday when I took the test). I checked my mail with hope everyday... Even on Monday, I got nothing from them. I called up and the lady at l'Accueil said that she doesn't have the results and the lady that has it is not in that day. She told me to wait till Tuesday. BUT, classes start on Tuesday! Yesterday, Wednesday, I got a call after lunch. I got my grading, and she told me I can start tomorrow(today). I asked if there'd be any refund or replacement class, and she said no. Because she got a bounce back from my email, and she called me on Tuesday but no answer. I recalled a miss call from a stranger, I called back but no answer. Mind you, it was only ONE missed call. I think had I not answer my phone yesterday, she'd never call back. She called me on Wednesday, had no initiative to call as soon as she got a bounce back?

I doubt the classes run well, they don't seem like they need students. And I've decided that taking a Major in French would be way more interesting. So, Alliance Francaise shall be where I'll go get my qualifications for French language.
Yet to decide where to study French Studies..

Back to before I picked myself up, I had a break-out with the sister. It felt worse than it ever has, possibly because reached the stress toll. I was drenched in tears in my room, tried to get to 2 friends but they simply couldn't be reached. When I usually feel this down, I turn to the sister, but I'm down about her and I'm not ranting to her about her? I'd confront her, not rant. But I needed to rant! Then I think back when I was young, I had my kakak, or my grandmother. I had my dog Pickle too, but she's now 4 feet underground 6 feet was too much to dig.. I contemplated opening my window and jumping out to get out without anyone knowing. I'd get myself hurt because I'm clumsy, who cares, but, where am I going to go? A knock was heard on my door, I fell silent. And again.. I asked who it was, and it was, my grandmother. I was even more touched but shocked to see how the Law of Attractions work. She came to ask for help with her new handphone. And then she consoled me.

I was meant to bring the grandparents out for lunch with the sister, but I was so mad I thought I didn't want to see her. I was talking to my friend when the sister came in to ask if I was going. I said no. But my friend said to go and be the bigger person. I went, later. I'm still, yet the smaller person because I went for my grandmother's sake. She asked me to come earlier on and I could see that she was disappointed when I said no.

Above all that, the sister and I are fine now. She's being herself, I'm being myself. We probably dislike the things we say or do. But we live under this roof of our parents. We still talk/think of our parents the same way. Even about the stupid boys. =)

I have been occupying my days lately, doing merely anything. I have not drank alcohol since 2 and a half weeks ago. That was my escape. I went away for 4 days thinking I'd runaway from these shit. But I had to return to reality.

I'm picking up myself day by day, tracing the bits I've dropped, ascending this flight of stairs that never ends til we're gone. There are pit stops every now and then. There are times if you don't know if you need to take the pit stop route or not. But we learn from that mistake when we get a puncture. Then we pick up from there.

I have more faith in the little things I do nowadays. I have to thank a whole long list, or I wouldn't have found these friends who've been around me lately. I've to thank my parents for being parents. I've to thank my sister for.. being herself when I'm myself till I had to cry it all out and I've been feeling much better ever since!

I don't know when I'll write again but I'm alive, doing things I never thought I would've done! More things to do now!

Gonna help dad fix a cupboard.

Beaucoup bisous a tous mes amis et ma famille.
Je suis plein da vie avec vous!