Replaced

All day in college today, all I told myself is that I really need someone to lean on and I should be strong and not cry. I obviously couldn't hold it in for a few times[knowing me..]but it wasn't obvious.

I came home and talked to my 'guardian angel'. She made me feel much better. She made me laugh with some graphics too. ;)

But came to a point I read through the previous conversations again.

Love: can you tell me what you're thinking/feeling right now?
me: i dont know what i'm thinking.. but i know i feel empty
me: and happy that i'm chatting with you
Love: i like chatting with you too
me: i feel like crying.. just because
Love: aww noo!! youre not allowed to cry cause of me.. ever
me: even till i die?
Love: yup
me: y?
Love: cause i dun wanna ever hurt you
Love: i think youre too nice for that

What does this mean anymore? I'm crying to myself all the time! I read that just now and bursted out in tears. I didn't even see it coming!

Anybody know what it feels like being replaced? It's not like when you're playing footie with your mates and your coach calls you out and puts in another player. Imagine you are a sanitary pad. You're on the shelf on display. This girl sees your qualities, she buys you. She uses you, maybe you can last for 2 months[1 month your period comes only once right?]. You want her to keep your last one till god knows when. But she finds that you're not good enough. It's not that you're lousy, just not as good as a new pack of Kotex. It's easier to just get a new pack, because you're so far behind the cupboard.

If it doesnt make any sense to you,pardon me because it does make sense to me. It's just that I'm crying right now, so whatever I say/type ain't clear.

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I should do.

Somebody, save me.